


Collide

by LaysPeach



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: College, Hockey, Law School, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 10:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23849791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaysPeach/pseuds/LaysPeach
Summary: Renjun promised himself no one could love him and wouldn't let anyone close to him after a traumatic event. Jaemin thinks his life is simple. Kickass on ice, not in class. But in college, lawyer meets hockey player. Will Renjun change his promise?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 37
Kudos: 173





	1. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

_Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?_

I always saw that as the first fault in our justice system. An entire testimony - what the defense is going to call _evidence_ is based off the "truth"? According to who? The sixteen-year-old boy on the stand right now has an entirely different definition of the truth than I do.

We can't use polygraph machines in the court of law because apparently, they're "unreliable". I don't know how someone's word, someone's promise of the "truth" is any more reliable. But then, I guess that's why I'm in this situation in the first place.

Here's the real truth. Someone's life, their right, their innocence was destroyed. A sixteen-year-old boy takes the stand, promises to tell the truth, _lies,_ and no one can prove it.

It becomes a case of he said, he said. Whose testimony is more powerful? Before I have a chance to defend who has the right to _my_ body, wide receiver Lee "The King" Taeyong is on the stand. Why? He wasn't a witness. He wasn't at the scene of the crime. But he's the father of Lee Jeno, his guardian, his mentor. He gave his son permission to throw that part, and no, his son has never shown any aggressive signs before, he is a straight-A student and...

_"My son didn't touch that boy! This is just a publicity stunt to squeeze money out of my family. My son is innocent!"_

Suddenly the jury, the twelve alleged unconvinced people, are doubting me. _Me!_

Some justice system. That's all it takes. People act like you're under some truth serum on the stand. If only. The amount of lies that went on in that trial made me sick. I went to the police, to find closure, redemption, and all I got was a tie. _"Slut. Whore. Gold digger."_

All I got was more pain. More torture. More enemies.

This is the sad irony of our justice system. When someone guilty is put on trial, it's to find the truth. But you must be bat shit crazy if you think that someone _guilty_ is going to tell the _truth_ when they're put on the stand.

The best part of all of it: the evidence. His DNA was there. The signs of struggle, the bruises, the scratches, _all there_. What happened on October 5th at that party in Lee Taeyong's mansion was blatantly fucking obvious. And the defense's closing statement:

"Huang Renjun was a naive fifteen-year-old. He went to a part at Jeno's home. He danced with the defendant, he followed him up to his room, he consented sex. Then the next morning he decided he didn't enjoy the sex. Maybe he was a little sore. And he realized he could raise some suspicion, and probably gain some money. The only witnesses have testified that Renjun was laughing when he followed Jeno upstairs, and that seemed perfectly understanding and willing to have sex with Lee Jeno.

The evidence does show that the two had sex, but only those two can say what happened in that room. What evidence shows us is that sex was simply rough. And we cannot make speculations about anything other than that. Look what I've summarized for you. There is simply no logic behind this accusation. You cannot look at the sixteen-year-old boy before you and convict him of a crime he did not commit. I'm sure after deliberation, you will have no choice but to proclaim him not guilty. I'll finish with the words, 'Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer.' Thank you."

I don't know why I was even surprised with the verdict. I don't know why I was shocked when it came back not even an hour later reading, _"Not guilty."_

It hit the news. It hit my school. It hit everywhere. I couldn't escape. Here I was, the one violated. The one who screamed, _"No, stop, please,"_ until he choked me. The one who spent an hour getting poked and probed with a rape kit.

Was too poor to afford a lawyer. I shouldn't have been surprised. That defense attorney was right about one thing.

I was a naive fifteen-year-old boy. My family had no money, and his family had millions. I actually believed my public attorney could stand a chance against the top university graduate with a pile of wins behind him. I actually believed people would swear an oath to tell the truth and _do it_. I believed my life would go on, and I would heal, and he would go to jail.

What really happened? I spiraled into depression. I had to be homeschooled because the whispers, the stares, the giggles, and the catcalls were too much. It was all too damn much. Things only got worse. I locked myself up. I started hurting myself to see if I could still feel. Turns out, I couldn't.

When you become a topic of conversation at dinner. When you can't be seen without being ashamed. When you can't escape the pain of doing what you thought was _right._ When the _truth_ screwed up your life more than you ever thought it would, and you have to live with this moral in society about _honesty,_ and about _standing up for what's right_. When your name is blackballed throughout the whole city, why should you keep trying?

I kept telling myself not to give up. But I was alone. The only person in my corner were my parents and my older brother. Well, my parents were getting bashed by society, too. And my brother... well he hit the papers when he showed at Lee Taeyong's house, drunk, and threatened to kill Jeno.

I felt alone. I felt empty. So I hurt myself, over and over, to make sure I could still feel. But the more blood I watched drip from arms, the more I became numb to the pain. I was making things worse, and I knew it, but I just stopped caring. My life became a sad never-ending cycle of regret.

_If only I'd kept quiet._

I couldn't bear that thought. That the truth didn't set me free at all, it chained me up. For two years, I was in a dark pit. Falling down a hole that I thought was neverending. When I turned eighteen, things started to look up but for the wrong reasons. I was so angry. The wound still hadn't healed after two years and I was still hurting. So I did the ultimate cover-up. If people didn't want to believe me, then I'd just become someone else.

I changed my attitude. I got the hell out of dodge. Like all the way across the country out of dodge. I buried everything I ever felt during those years of high school deep, deep down, where no one could ever uncover them.

But some things never change. The memories I hold of those years, they're my triggers. And I still hear those words– _Not Guilty–_ and see Lee Jeno in my nightmares. Those never disappear. And what he did to me, I can never take that back.

The sworn testimony that you have to speak before you take the stand is a piece of shit. The day Lee Jeno got off the hook for raping me, I made my own oath.

I solemnly swear to hide how Lee Jeno broke me and shattered my hope in ever finding love, so help me, God.

* * *

**Present Day**

"I think something draws us all to law. The idea that someone can be avenged, and obtain justice through a pure, sane sense. That's one of the things that drew me to it. Of course, it had that little push along the way called 'the son of a bitch who got away with it'. That whole 'now the hero has to question his ideas and decide if he will take the righteous path of justice or the cruel path of revealing' thing. I don't know why I was surprised. He was a millionaire's son. His dad was one of the biggest stars. And you know how that goes, a big football player batts his pretty little eyes at twelve 'unconvinced' jurors, and the whole thing goes away. He makes a few calls, signs a couple of autographs, maybe a few footballs, and bam, soon enough I'm hearing the words, _'Not Guilty'_ , as I'm staring at the son of a bitch who raped me. I hope you're not having a problem with this, it's just that when I sat down you told me to answer all the questions honestly so...yeah, this is why I chose a career in law."

The attorney in front of me stares with questioning eyes. "Well, it's good to know you have a...background in the field. However, I didn't ask for your background, and you still haven't answered my question. Why have you chosen a career in law?"

I stare at the woman who sits before me. Typical lawyer. I give a perfectly fine response, and she twists my words. I smile lightly at her.

"I have chosen a career in law, _because,_ I don't like it when the bad guys get away," I reply sarcastically. She returns my fake smile and stands up from her chair. She pulls my resume off her desk and flips through it, her eyes glancing up at me every now and then as then she reads through it.

"I think I might just like you. We could use some wit around the office."

I laugh lightly. "I haven't chosen a career in law so I can bring wit to the office," I reply.

She looks at me, a small smile playing over her lips. I stand up and hold out my hand for her to shake, "I've chosen a career in law so I can go to court."

She shakes my hand and breathes out a small laugh.

"Congratulations Renjun, you start next week."


	2. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

"What the fuck, Hendery!" I yell, pulling to a sharp turn in front of my asshole friend. "I was wide open."

He shrugs, "Sorry man, I didn't see you." I sigh, feeling guilty for yelling.

"That's enough disappointment for one practice! Hit the showers!" The coach yells.

I skate off the ice with Hendery and pull off my helmet. As we approach the glass, I see my reflection. I run a hand through my tousled ash brown hair and smile. The ice brings out some light in my usually dark grey eyes. It's not just about my eyes though, I'm always happier when I'm on the ice.

"Where's your head at dude?" I ask as we step out of the ice rink. I pull my stick up on the bench as I untie my skates.

"I dunno. Stuck somewhere with my brother."

"What's up with your brother?" I ask.

He flops down on the bench and begins untying his shoes.

"Nothing man, don't worry about it."

I shrug and pull off my skates. "Alright, just... don't let that shit get to you on game day, okay?"

He nods and I hold out a fist that he taps with his own.

"I'll see you back at the hub."

He gives me a nod and I head to the showers.

Hockey has always been a kind of release for me. Something that gets my mind off of shit. Basically, it gets my mind off of school. I'm really struggling this year. I have dyslexia and ADHD, which doesn't affect me anywhere else but in the fucking classroom. I take shit notes that I can't even read and the only thing I can think about during class is that I need to move. I guess that's why I like hockey. Contact sports.  
  
The Hub is what the boys and I call our place. Really, it's just a four-room house. There's like five bathrooms and a huge ass kitchen and living area, so that's cool, and between the four of us, rent is pretty easy to manage. All four of us are on the hockey team, and we usually balance each other out with our personalities.  
  
I'm the co-captain of our hockey team, but like I said, I suck at all things education-related.  
  
Hendery's the goodie. He's straight-A, sweet older brother, hockey's fun but it's not my life kinda guy. I think his brother works at a library and he's made it crystal fucking clear to us that he is absolutely off-limits.

Johnny's the captain of the team, the hockey is my life guy. He doesn't really put much effort into school, he's more interested in law, and I think if he wasn't a fucking incredible hockey player, he might just be a lawyer.  
  
Then there's Jaehyun. He's the tough shit. He likes hockey because he gets to hit things, but hell if he isn't the best defenseman I've ever played with. In his spare time, he's a boxer, and I'm pretty sure he gets paid to lose from time to time. He has a lot of character under his cold dark appearance. It's not the best business to be caught up in, but he had a real shitty childhood. He's probably the most unselfish out of us all.  
  
I'm tight with all of them, but sometimes we all drive each other up the fucking wall and end up getting a complaint from our very quiet Christian neighbors. The huge parties definitely aren't helping us earn brownie points with the neighbors either. But, what are you gonna do? You got four college hockey boys in one house, shit's gonna go down from time to time.

* * *

"Man, I don't want to go to this thing. Let's just hit up Neozone instead."  
  
Johnny shoots me a glare in the rearview mirror. "We're going to this fucking carnival. You know why? Because Hendery's brother wants to go. You know what else? I don't want to go to that stupid fucking club anymore."  
  
"I thought you loved Neozone? And why is Hendery dragging us along to his with his brother?"  
Johnny makes a sharp right turn and I lurch to the side in the backseat. Asshole.  
  
"I'm sick of Neozone. We need to find a new club. And we're going with his brother because he is bringing friends, and Hendery is a thoughtful guy."  
  
He shoots me a smirk and I chuckle softly. I didn't know that his friends were going to be there. In that case, I'm in.  
  
I tap Jaehyun on the shoulder. He's sitting in the front seat, with his hood pulled far over his eyes.

"Dude, you know you're going to freak them out with the whole hood covering face with shadows thing, right?"  
  
He chuckles. "Well it's either that or..." he pulls his hood off, revealing his beaten face. He has a bruise on his cheekbone and a cut with stitches over his eye.  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Johnny says, gaping at him. "You need to knock this fighting shit out. You're going to get yourself killed."  
  
Jaehyun shrugs like dying it's no big deal and pulls the hood back over his head.  
  
As we pull into the parking lot of the carnival we spot Hendery's car. He rode with his brother and apparently his brother's friends. As Johnny shifts his car to park, we unbuckle and step out into the chilly fall air. It's mid-October and the leaves have just started to change colors.

We head inside the gates and immediately spot Hendery with four boys, perfect. Except one of them is his brother, which leaves three. Not perfect. Maybe Hendery or Jaehyun won't want to hook up tonight. I look over at Jaehyun, the sunlight hitting him straight on and revealing his bruised face.  
  
"Dude, did you do those stitches yourself?"  
  
He gives me a nod.  
  
"Shit dude. Go to a doctor or something next time."  
  
He chuckles as if my suggestion is funny. Just like dying apparently. Shit, we may need to have an intervention for Jaehyun soon. I look over at Johnny who's staring at Jaehyun in disbelief, probably thinking the same thing as me. Well with how he's looking, I doubt Jaehyun will be getting any action tonight.

As we reach the boys, things become clear. The boy Hendery's standing next to him definitely his brother. He's medium height, with black hair and black eyes. I warn myself that it's Hendery's brother.

Off-limits. Then there's a dirty blonde and a brunette on the other side of Hendery. Am I counting wrong? I swear I originally saw four boys.  
  
"Guys, I'm sure you remember my brother, YangYang," Hendery says. He points to his brother and he waves at us, a little nervously. We wave back and YangYang names off his friends, going down the line.  
  
"That's Donghyuck," he says pointing at the blonde, "and Chenle." The chestnut brunette waves at us. We all wave back.  
  
Johnny juts his thumb towards me. "Na Jaemin." He points to himself. "Johnny Suh." He points to Jaehyun. "Jung Jaehyun."  
  
Apparently that's all the introduction we need, because in less than a second, Johnny steps forward to Donghyuck, beginning a conversation. I look over at Jaehyun. He's in rough shape. I'll let him have Chenle if he wants.

"And uh, if he stops hiding..." YangYang starts. Out of thin air, the fourth boy appears, elbowing his friend in the side. "This is Renjun."  
  
This boy has dark drown hair and stares at the ground, pushing his pink converse into the dirt. I don't really know what to think of him but he's iced us out so I'm looking over to the other boys. Except, Johnny is walking away with Donghyuck, and Chenle is talking to Hendery. I shrug at Jaehyun. I don't particularly want to start a conversation with Renjun, and YangYang's off-limits so...  
  
"Let's go get a drink," he says, reading my mind. I nod and we walk into the carnival grounds. There's food everywhere so it's not hard to find a stand with a drink. I look back and see Hendery and Chenle walking away from YangYang and Renjun, around to the other side of the carnival grounds. Something about Renjun's body language catches my eye and I watch them. YangYang turns to him and Renjun nods to say something, and then YangYang pulls him into a hug. Strange...

"What can I get you?" the guy working the stand asks.  
  
"Uh, I'll have a coke."  
  
I hand over the money and grab my coke, looking back to see Renjun and YangYang walking to the other side of the carnival, where the games are. After Jaehyun gets his drink I nod towards the games.

"Come on, let's go over there."  
  
He pauses and looks at me suspiciously.  
  
"What? Don't look at me like that."  
  
He smirks and pulls the straw of his drink between his teeth. Out of our group, Jaehyun's the only one who can get to me without saying a word.  
  
"Damn it, Jae, I'm not trying to win a fucking teddy bear. I just want to look at the games."

He puts one of his hands up in surrender, still sipping his drink.  
  
"You're such an asshole," I say, squinting at him squinting at me.  
  
He finally stops drinking and laughs. "You're too easy. One look and it sets you off. You wouldn't last a minute in the ring."  
  
He's right, I know he is, but I just scoff and start off towards the games. "Whatever."  
  
He matches my stride and shoves his free hand into his pocket. "I guess you wouldn't find yourself in the ring huh? Cause you have the rink, and that's enough for you."  
  
I don't really know what the fuck his cryptic batman message is supposed to be, but he's one of my closest friends and I'm concerned about him. As we make our way over to the games I tug his hood off.

"Stop fucking hiding. If you're gonna be a boxer at least be proud of it."  
  
He winces a little at my words and I realize how terrible they were. His dad was a boxer, and he was killed, in the ring.  
  
"Hey man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone there. Just know...know that I'm gonna be really pissed off if you fucking die on me, okay?"  
  
That's all the sentiment I have in me, but I still feel bad. Jaehyun's in a bad place, he has been for a while now. And it seems like whenever we guys have a heart to heart, the shit he reveals about his childhood is just more and more depressing.  
  
As we enter the game area, I can see Hendery and Chenle, down ways, playing some game that involves beanbags. Johnny and Donghyuck were in the food area, and I quickly spot Renjun and YangYang. Renjun's stepping up to some game with a gun and I chuckle lightly. Cold and deadly. Just like Jaehyun. YangYang looks over at us and smiles, waving. I start to head over when Jaehyun stops me.

"Dude, what's your plan here, you can't just go over there and stalk them."  
  
I shrug. "I improvise."  
  
He chuckles and sips his drink again. We head over to the boys as YangYang whispers something in Renjun's ear. Renjun looks over and smiles lightly at us before turning back to the game. Maybe not so cold. Right before I hit the game, Jaehyun leans over and says, "I'm out. I'll be over here, playing darts, have fun."  
  
I scowl at him. I don't like going solo, a wingman always helps. But YangYang's leaving too, and I think he's following Jaehyun. Uh oh. He had better watch out for Hendery. Renjun curses as he misses the last figure and he slides a bill to the guy at the stand. He turns around and leans against the counter. I step up to the game and tilt my head towards him.  
  
"Sorry. I couldn't help but watch. That was pretty incredible," I tease.

"Just beginner's luck," he shrugs, playing along.  
  
I pause for a minute, smirking at him.  
  
"Do you want me to show you how to do it?"  
  
He chews on the inside of his cheek for a minute. "Sure, why not?"  
  
As he turns back towards the counter and picks up the gun, I slide over a bill. He brings the toy rifle up.  
  
"Here, rest this part on your shoulder," I say. When he does it incorrectly I cover his back with the front of my body. My chest presses up against his small back and for a brief second, my body is overwhelmed. He feels damn good pressed against me. His breathing turns sharp and I smirk, happy that I have the effect on him. He's doing the same thing to me. I force myself to focus and I continue to make adjustments until the gun's in its rightful place. I cover his arms with my own.

"Take a deep breath," I whisper in his ear, causing a shiver to shake down his spine. I notice it. He takes a deep breath and my finger curls around his, pulling the trigger. The figures move as I take them out, one by one. I hit them all, and linger for a minute even after the game's over. Then I pull away slowly, dragging my arms off his heavily. Forcing myself to peel away from him. The teenager running the booth gives him a big stuffed dolphin and I laugh.  
  
"I have nowhere to put this. Would you mind if I got rid of it?" He asks, looking up at me maybe the first time. I don't know how I missed him when I first walked in. God, he's gorgeous. Dark brown silky hair, framing his hazel eyes and pink lips. I get lost in his eyes for a second, gold and brown and green all at once.  
  
"Go ahead," I respond finally, registering his question.  
  
A little girl walks past me and Renjun hands her the dolphin. "He's yours now. Take care of him." He smiles.

The little girl squeals with happiness and the mom smiles at us gratefully. Uh oh. This is bad. This boy is screaming relationship material, and I need to get out before I get sucked in.  
  
"That was pretty impressive," he says, turning his attention to me. "Military?"  
  
I laugh. "Nope."  
  
"Farm boy?" He guesses again.  
  
I shake my head, answering his question before I make a break for it. "Closer. My dad loves hunting, he used to take me."  
  
He nods and sticks out his hand. "I'm Renjun."  
  
"Jaemin," I reply shaking his hand. And then all of a sudden, I'm pointing to his shirt. "I couldn't help but notice you go to SooMan U." What the hell Jaemin, that was your out.  
  
He looks down at his school shirt. "Oh, yeah."

I nod and open my big stupid mouth again. "So look at that, we already have something in common."  
  
"You're a student?" He asks, slightly confused.  
  
I raise an eyebrow. "Why don't you sound convinced?"  
  
"Sorry," he shrugs, "you just don't strike me as the...school type."  
  
My eyes narrow slightly. "Well, you'd be right. I'm more into sports. Hoping to get drafted into the NHL in a couple years."  
  
"The NHL?"  
  
"You've never heard of it?" I ask, surprised.  
  
"Should I have?"  
  
"No...it's just...it's the national hockey league."

"Oh. Nice. I'm more of a baseball fan myself." He winces at his words and backtracks quickly. "No no no, not that I meant I don't like hockey or anything. I've always found it interesting, but I'm not really educated on it. I guess?"  
  
"That's okay. Maybe I'll get the chance to teach you," I reply with a wink. Fuck. What are you doing. Cool it Na.  
  
He blushes lightly and look, my big mouth is opening again and I can't stop it. What the fuck is wrong with me?  
  
"So tell me, how do these sort of things work?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.  
  
"These sort of things?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, the whole boy meets boy thing?"  
  
He laughs. "I guess it depends on how interested you are."

Something comes to life in my body. Lust. Uh oh. Na Jaemin cool it. I try and warm myself but it's no use. My words have possessed me.  
  
"And how interested are you?" I ask, taking a step towards him.

He tries to take a step back, but his lower back bumps into the booth counter.  
  
"Give me a scale," he says. I think he's stalling as his eyes begin to search around, probably for YangYang.

I take another step towards him, trying to gain back his attention. "On a scale of one to ten. How interested are you in me?"  
  
His eyes stop moving. He found YangYang. Those beautiful hazels flicker back to me. He pretends to mull it over as he chews on the inside of his cheek. My eyes scan his face carefully.  
  
"Five," he says finally. Then he quickly sidesteps me and before I have a chance to open my idiotic mouth again, he has met up with YangYang, and they're sucked back into the crowd.


	3. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

"What's wrong with him?" YangYang groans.  
  
"Too cocky. I didn't like his vibe. It was too arrogant."  
  
"It's called confidence and it's supposed to be sexy," he corrects.  
  
I just scoff and roll my eyes. "Whatever it doesn't matter."  
  
"Come on Jun. It's been years since you were in a relationship. It's time to get back out there."  
  
"I can't do relationships," I sigh. "And you know why."  
  
I'd lost my ability to trust basically anyone after that night.  
  
"Oh come on," he bumps me in the side. "It's a brand new year. You'll be on your way to grad school after this year, it's time."

"Maybe," I sigh. "We'll see."

* * *

YangYang was right about one thing. Brand new year, brand new class. One of which included freaking World History. Snore. Oh well, at least it would be an easy A, but I wouldn't be happy about having to take it. First of all, it was my earliest class. I had to get my ass up at the crack of dawn, and I am not a morning person. Second, I didn't even want to take this class, but I have to make up credits from my stupid F in Astronomy, another class that started as the ass crack of dawn. I always slept in and never showed to that class, and my grade definitely represented it. Third, I have to trek all the way across campus because parking is a nightmare and if I want a spot closer, I would ve forced to get up even earlier. Fuck no.  
  
As I enter the room, I scan the desks, no one I know. I breathe with relief. There's nothing worse than being distracted in class or having to share notes with someone too lazy to ever show up. Then there's more bad news.

The professor passes out the assignment schedule. This guy must love grading papers. I mean seriously. This is more work than any form of my other classes. I feel myself scowling as I stare at the paper. It's giving me a headache. Okay, I need to tone it down a notch, but it's early and damn, I'm bitter.  
  
And then there's the cherry on top of the fucking sundae. Halfway through class, the door swings open and a cursing Mr. Arrogant stumbles into the room. Oh god. I immediately sink down my chair, hoping my laptop is hiding me. All eyes are on him as he climbs the row. No. Please no. Please -  
  
"Hey," he says at full volume, flopping down next to me. "What'd I miss?"  
  
I slide the assignment paper over to him, hoping it'll shut him up. For the moment it does, and I sigh in relief. As the professor begins speaking again, the eyes of the other students shift back upfront. There are still a few lingering stares, mostly from swooning girls which makes irritation twitch in my fingers.

"Holy shit," he says loudly, looking at the paper. I grit my teeth as heads swivel back. He throws them a charming smile, and their irritation slips away effortlessly. I can't believe it. The seven hundred-year-old professor doesn't notice anything and rambles on.  
  
"Can you believe this?" He asks me, finally lowering his voice.  
  
I sigh, grateful he has finally caught on to classroom etiquette.  
  
"Yeah, it's a lot." I agree.  
  
His shoulders brush mine as he shrugs. "Maybe we could team up for some of them."  
  
"Sorry," I flash him a quick apologetic smile. "I work alone."  
  
"Okay, batman." He murmurs under his breath.  
  
That urkes me. "Did you expect any different? It's not like I know you."

"Are you kidding? You don't remember the carnival?"  
  
Of course, I remember.  
  
"Oh yeah. You're James," my inner bitch slips out. I remember his name, Jaemin.  
  
"Jaemin," he corrects. "And you're Ronjeon, right?" he asks, a wicked smile crawling across his face and telling me two can play at that game. Point taken.  
  
"Renjun," I say through gritted teeth.  
  
"Well Renjun, I think we'll become good friends."  
  
I catch the smug smirk on his face and push down the urge to slap it right off his face. As soon as the class is dismissed, I rush outside, getting away from my new "friend".

Did I mention how early this class is? It's so fucking early. And I have it for three days in a row. Not cool. Today, Jaemin's in the same spot he was yesterday, next to my seat. His eyes connect with mine and he waves me over to him. I trudge up the stairs and sit down next to him, grudgingly. When I peer over he has a stupid smirk on his face.  
  
"What are you smiling at Jason?" I snap.  
  
He chuckles. "Yikes. Princess didn't get his coffee this morning?"  
  
"Don't even start with me buddy," I yank out my laptop and log in, opening up my notes.  
  
He laughs. "You're fun to mess with."  
  
"Good to know," I smile, flipping him off.  
  
"Jesus, you are not a morning person are you?"  
  
I squint at him as the professor walks in. I spend the rest of the class frantically typing as the professor jumps right into a lecture.

Next to me, Jaemin's notes are a crazy mess. Illegible, nonsensical, scribbles. Once again, I'm out of the classroom before Jaemin even has a chance to open his mouth.

* * *

The next morning, when I walk in there's a coffee sitting on my desk. I look over at Jaemin and cautiously sit down.  
  
"What did you do to it?" I ask.  
  
"I didn't do anything to it."  
  
"Bullshit. I bet it's poisoned."  
  
He rolls his eyes. "Look, we got off on the wrong foot. Or...rather we got off on the right foot, but then it went wrong. This is a truce."  
  
I stare at the cup wondering what kind of drugs he stuck in it. I take off the lid and let some of the steam slip out before leaning in to sniff it.

"Oh for god's sake," Jaemin mumbles. He grabs the cup and takes a sip from it. Interesting, not poisoned. But now I'm staring at his lips, bad idea. He pulls the cup away and sets it back down on my desk.  
  
"See, perfectly safe."  
  
I put the lid back and cautiously take a sip. Delicious caffeine floods my body, thinning out my syrupy blood, and pumping it through my body. It's sweet, just the right amount of cream and sugar.  
  
"Thank you," I say, peeking at him over the rim of the cup.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"How much do I owe you?" I ask, leaning over to grab money out of my bag.  
  
He waves it off. "Don't worry about it. It's on me today."

I smile and appreciate the coffee as it pulls the sleepy cobwebs from my brain. Throughout the lecture, I catch Jaemin peeking over at my computer screen. I glance at his notes. Yikes. I grab a piece of paper out of my notebook and scribbles a note on it.  
  
Do you want me to send you a picture or email my notes to you or something?  
  
I slide the note over to him. It takes him a second to notice, but as soon as his eyes slide over the words he looks over at me and nods.  
  
"Both," he mouths.  
  
He scribbled down his phone number and email and I shove it in my bag, mouthing, "Later."  
  
He nods and we get back to taking notes. When Professor Siwon dismisses class, I take my time packing up.  
  
"Wow, not in a rush today?" Jaemin asks. I cringe.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. Early morning me is such a bitch."  
  
He shrugs. "We all need a little bit of caffeine in the morning."  
  
I nod.  
  
"Still, you should loosen up," he says, nudging me with his elbow. "There's a party at a place I know this weekend. Send me your notes and I'll send you the information."  
  
"I will." I nod.  
  
He smiles at me and stands up, walking out.

I spend the afternoon relaxing with YangYang in our apartment complex's hot tub. I tell him about history and Jaemin which ends up being a huge mistake. Before I even realize what's happening he's pushing me inside and throwing clothes at me, telling me to get dressed for the party that will now be impossible for me to get out of. He pushes me out the door, and we drive to the party together.  
  
The loud music floods my ears as we park in the apartment complex parking lot. I look down at my plain jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers.  
  
"I don't know–"  
  
"You look fine," YangYang says cutting me off. Easy for him to say, he always looks like a god.  
  
I freeze at the bumper of the car. "YangYang, these things make me nervous."  
  
He grabs my hand and grabs me closer to the music. "You are not backing out now. A cute boy invited you to a party and we're already here. It's time to get over your fear already Renjun. It's been years since the incident."

I cringe at the word. Incident. But he was right. YangYang's the only person I've ever told about what happened to me, and even he only knows the short version. It's time to move on. As we head inside the room I'm surprised. This is not a party I was expecting. There's a fair amount of people here, but not nearly as many as I expected. Red solo cups scatter the room and a group of guys shouts at the television in front of them, where a hockey game is on. In the kitchen, there's a keg of beer, the alcohol supply for the night. The next room over there's a game of beer pong going on and out on the balcony, there's a couple making out.  
  
Unlike me, YangYang knows how to flirt. Within a minute he's talking up some guy and pushing me away to go mingle. I grab a beer bottle from the fridge, not trusting the keg. I head out to the balcony and ignore the two next to me, sucking each other's faces. I look out at the pool where I finally spot Jaemin. Him and a few other guys are on the pool deck in rollerblades, playing hockey. I snort a laugh as one of them hits the puck into the pool on accident.

They all laugh and push him in the pool to go get it. He surfaces immediately, a look of panic in his eyes.  
  
Can he not swim? He pushes himself out of the pool and tries to stand but slips with his roller blades on. Cursing, he takes them off and throws them at one of the guys.  
  
"Hey, what the hell?" The guy says, rubbing his chest where the skates hit him.  
  
"You pushed me in!" The soaking wet guy says.  
  
"Yeah because you hit the fucking puck in." Another one of the guys says.  
  
The soaking wet guy pulls a small black rectangle from his back pocket. "My fucking phone was in my pocket!" He yells.  
  
I gasp, covering my mouth. Heads swivel in my direction and I feel heat crawl up my neck at the attention.

"You're lucky I have insurance!" The soaking wet guy yells.  
  
The heads all turn back to him, except Jaemin. His eyes stay on mine, a smirk crawling onto his face. He waves me down and I sigh, making my way to the pool. I don't know anyone here and I don't want to be a loner tonight.  
  
"You're already wet dude, just get the puck." One of the guys says as I walk outside.  
  
The broken phone guy shoots him a look and trudges back towards the apartment, leaving a trail of wet footprints behind him. Jaemin slides towards me and pulls up right before he can slam into me.  
  
"Glad to see you could make it."

I smile and nod awkwardly. He turns towards his friends. "Guys this is Renjun, he's a friend from History."

Friend. Something flutters inside me at the word.  
  
"Renjun, these are my teammates. I think you've already met some of them."  
  
"Hi," I wave to them and they nod back. There are a few more girls out here, giggling and sending flirting glances towards the guys.  
  
As the guys get back to talking, I walk to the edge of the pool and look over the rim. A small black circle sits at the bottom. It occurs to me that I still have my swimsuit on under my clothes. I could easily get it, easily. I notice Jaemin next to me, staring at the puck longingly.  
  
"How mad would you be if I pushed you in?" He asks, still staring at the puck.  
  
I laugh lightly. "I'll grab it for you if you want it that bad."  
  
He glances at me. "But it would be so much more fun to push you in."

I squint at him. "You had better be joking."  
  
He chuckles. "It's so tempting."  
  
"Not if you don't want your ass kicked John."  
  
"The whole 'I'm not going to call you by your real first name' thing is quite entertaining," he snorts.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about Jamin," I say, holding back a laugh.  
  
His hand pressed against my lower back, pressuring me slightly.  
  
"Jaemin, don't you dare," I warn.  
  
I look over and find a testing smile playing on his lips. "Oh, how nice of you to remember my name."  
  
I scurry away from his hand before he can do anything.  
  
"I just came from the pool, I still have my suit on, you want me to grab it?" I ask.

He looks back at his teammates who are all taking off their skates. "Nah it's okay, I think we're heading in right now anyways."  
  
I sit down by the poolside and take a pull from my beer. Jaemin sits next to me and pulls off his skates. Then he rolls up his jeans and puts his feet in the pool. I do the same, staring down at the puck. I look around to see we're now alone outside. Quickly, I stand up and wiggle out of my jeans.  
  
"Uh, what are you doing?" He asks.  
  
"Can you swim?" I ask, ignoring his question.  
  
He nods his head slowly, confused with the question.  
  
"Do you have your phone on you?"  
  
He shakes his head. "I left it inside. I can grab it if you need to call–"

I push my hands on his back, shoving him into the pool. I whip off my shirt and stare at my swimming trunks. Jaemin surfaces, chuckling and boosting himself out of the water like a rocket.  
  
"That wasn't very nice princess."  
  
I laugh but it turns into a squeal as he lunges towards me. I scramble away from him to the other side of the pool. When I look back he's in the same spot. His white shirt is plastered to his ripped chest, water dripping off him. It takes me a minute to notice that he's holding out my perfectly dry clothes over the water.  
  
"Jaemin–"  
  
"Get back over here," he growls.  
  
My heart beats faster as something runs down my spine and awakens in my stomach, something I haven't had for a long time, butterflies. I tiptoe back over to him.

"Don't run," he says, handing me his leverage. I'm about to scamper away with my clothes when he pulls his shirt over his head. Then he's unbuttoning his jeans and my gaze fell to his–woah there Renjun. I clear my throat as he drops his pants. Luckily, he's wearing boxers. The same look crawls onto his face. Two can play at that game.  
  
He lunges for me again and I squeal, dropping my clothes and running. Before I can make it two steps my foot slips in a puddle of water and I'm falling, face first, into the concrete, when a pair of arms wrap around my waist, catching me.  
  
"No running on the pool deck," he whispers in my ear. And then I'm falling again, but this time it's into the cool water. I swim away from Jaemin as soon as I'm free, but he's fast and soon he's got me trapped in the shallow end.  
  
"I told you not to run," he says, mischief twinkling in his eyes.

"You can't tell me what to do," I throw back, crossing my arms over my chest playfully. I dip underwater and swim back to where the puck is. I surface and take a breath before going down and grabbing the small black circle. I toss it to Jaemin, who catches it easily. I hoist myself up out of the pool, wringing out my hair.  
  
"Hey guess what?" Jaemin asks, getting out of the water.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Those notes of yours are magical. I might need more of those."  
  
I throw a towel lying nearby him. "Take your own damn notes."  
  
"I do. But I can't even read my own damn handwriting."  
  
"Use a laptop," I shrug. I head back towards my clothes, pulling them on, even though I'm still a little wet.

"I don't like typing, it's boring."  
  
I snort a laugh. "You're ridiculous."  
  
Upstairs, the door to the balcony slams shut and the couple is back at it, making out like it's the last time they'll ever see each other.  
  
I grimace at the scene and turn back to Jaemin. "Is this your place?"  
  
He shakes his head, using the towel to dry his hair.  
  
"I live in a big house with the boys, my teammates."  
  
I nod, suddenly awkward. I look over to my beer, damn, it spilled.  
  
"How about you? Where do you live?"  
  
I feel something flash through my eyes. "Um, I've seen Taken way too many times to tell you that. I still barely know you, Jake."

"I'm wondering when you're going to run out of boy names that start with J. It's pretty impressive that you're coming up with all of these on the spot."  
  
I laugh lightly as he walks over to me. I hand him his soaking jeans and shirt. He glares at me as I hand them over.  
  
"I should make you come to the laundromat with me to dry these, Ronjay."  
  
"You're leaving?" I ask, trying to hide the disappointment, and failing miserably.  
  
"You can tag along," he smirks.  
  
"Wouldn't it just be easier to put on the clothes?"  
  
"No. That would not be easier. That would be cold, and painful."  
  
"Sorry," I giggle.  
  
"Come on," he nods towards the exit.

"What about your shoes?"  
  
"They're inside, and the only thing more painful than putting these clothes on would be letting my teammates see me like this."  
  
He glances down at his boxers, chuckling.  
  
"It's like a two-minute drive, I'll be fine."  
  
"Okay, let me just tell my friend, I came here with him, I just want to be safe."  
  
He nods and waves me off.


	4. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

Jesus fuck. This is not how I envisioned my Sunday night. Freezing, in my boxers, in the car with a fully-clothed boy.  
  
"That was pretty evil of you princess, pushing me in like that," I chuckle.  
  
"Don't call me princess," he says. I catch a small twitch in his lips.  
  
I smile to myself. He rubs his arms as I make a right into the shopping center. "Sorry," I mutter. "The heater in this piece of junk doesn't work" I hit my hand on the dash and the car groans.  
  
"Just kidding baby, you're the best, I love you," I say quickly, smoothing my hand over the part of the dash I hit.  
  
"Oh god," Renjun laughs. "Please tell me you aren't one of those guys who talk to their cars."

"Shh," I scold. "She's like a plant, she can hear you and she has feelings."  
  
"What's her name?"  
  
"Scarjo short for-"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me. You named your car after Scarlett Johanssen?"  
  
"That I did."  
  
He scoffs. "Okay, whatever."  
  
I pull to a stop in front of the laundromat and after grabbing my wallet, (which I thankfully left in my car and not at the party) we walk inside. It's pretty late, and it's Sunday, so there's no one there, except the middle-aged lady working at the counter who doesn't even look surprised at my current situation. She just scoffs and pulls out a cigarette. I throw my jeans and shirt into a dryer and stick in the coins.

"How long does it take to dry a couple things?" I ask the lady at the counter.  
  
She glances at me. "Not sure if you realize this sweetheart but the sign out front says 'No shirt, No shoes; No service.'"  
  
I flash my charming smile at the lady. "Sorry, Maam. I'm working on the shirt, and well...pants, right now. I'll get back to you on the shoes."  
  
She narrows her eyes, but smiles. "It shouldn't take long, only about ten minutes."

I grin at her and lean my back against a washer.  
  
"I cannot believe you're in here with nothing on but your boxers," the little fireball of a man says next to me.  
  
I chuckle and hook my thumb under the waistband. "You know these are still a little damp..."  
  
"Don't you freaking dare," he warns, a blush creeping up into his cheeks.  
  
"You're pretty cute princess."

"Don't call me princess," he says through gritted teeth. "Or cute for that matter."  
  
"Why not? It's true." I lean towards him, noticing his nervous gulp.  
  
"Because...because...it's, I...well, just don't" he stammers.  
  
What did I say, cute.  
  
"You owe me a coffee," I say, not pulling away from our close distance.  
  
"Yeah, I know," he takes a step backward. "I'll bring some to class tomorrow."  
  
"I hope so princess. I'm just about as grumpy as you without some caffeine in me."  
  
He scowls at his nickname. "I won't be happy, having to walk across campus to get you one, then walk all the way back across to get to class. I would be nice if I were you, you never know what I can slip in your drink."

I smile at his threat and open my wallet pulling out a cigarette. "Why don't you just drive?" I ask.  
  
"You must be kidding me," he says, crossing his arm over his chest.  
  
"Why would I be kidding?" I ask, putting the cigarette between my lips.  
  
"Please. Tell me it's a metaphor. Please."  
  
When I notice his glance on the cigarette, I laugh. "No, it's definitely not a metaphor."  
  
"Oh so you just enjoy killing yourself then?" he shoots at me. I sigh loudly.  
  
"You know, I get this lecture every holiday from my parents, I could do without it."  
  
"How are you okay without it?!"  
  
"I have ADHD, it helps me calm down. I only have one every once in a while. Like once or twice every month."

He pauses, pursing his lips together. I roll my eyes and pull the cigarette away. "Fine, if it makes you that uncomfortable."  
  
As soon as it's back in my wallet he picks up where our conversation left off.  
  
"I don't drive because I don't want to wake up any earlier than I have to, especially not to drive around searching for a parking spot for 2 hours."  
  
"I can pick you up. I have a reserved spot." I hear myself saying. Woah there Na.  
  
His jaw drops open. "How do you have a reserved spot?! I thought those were only for teachers!"  
  
"I have my ways."  
  
"Oh my god, then yes, if you could pick me up that would be great. That's like an extra half hour of sleep."  
  
I chuckle. "You like your sleep, don't you?"

He smiles and jogs over to the counter, grabbing a pen from the cup. He comes back over and grabs my arm, writing his address down my forearm.  
  
"Ow, not so hard," I complain.  
  
"Sorry," he says softly, releasing the pressure on the pen. It doesn't mark anything now so he has to go over it again a few times. I watch him as he concentrates on the address and I notice a scar on his inner elbow.  
  
"What happened here?" I ask, reaching out and running my fingers over the scab. I feel electricity crackle through my fingers, but I don't pull away.  
  
He stops writing and looks down at the scar.  
  
"Oh, it's just a birthmark."  
  
Then he continues writing.  
  
"You should be a poker player. You're a good liar," I point out.

"I'm not lying," he says glancing up at me nervously.  
  
"I play hockey, I think I know what a cut looks like. You're not born with something like this, and I know your birthmark on your knuckle, and if you are, it certainly didn't stay on you for the rest of your life."  
  
He glances at me and then continues writing on my arm, applying a bit more pressure.  
  
"It's from a while ago. I was a clumsy teen, I had to get a few stitches."

I chuckle. Sounds more likely, but why would he lie?  
  
He pulls the pen away and caps it. He leans over and blows on my arm, trying to dry the ink, and making my body think other things.  
  
Woah there Na. Cool it.  
  
He glances up at me and blushes, going back over to the counter to replace the pen. I push off the washer and look through the clear glass of the dryer window. They look dry. But are they?

When I notice Renjun coming back over I clear my throat.  
  
"So you want me to pick you up before class every day?"  
  
"Just tomorrow, and you don't have to bring me home."  
  
I nod and offer one more piece of friendliness because for some reason, I can't stop. "I don't have school on Friday, that's practice day, so you can use my parking spot if you want."  
  
"No way."  
  
I shrug again. "No one else is using it."  
  
"Oh my god, Jaemin that would be amazing. I seriously owe you big time."  
  
I wiggle my eyebrows at him. "What would you be willing to do?"  
  
"Ew, stop it you perv," he laughs, elbowing me in the side.

Just then my clothes stop tumbling and I open up the door pulling them out.  
  
"I love when clothes get right out of the dryer and they're all warm," he says, hugging himself.  
  
What did I say, cute. I pull my shirt over my head and pull on my jeans, buttoning them and pulling the fly, which Renjun is definitely watching. I find myself grinning and I chuckle when he clears his throat, slowly dragging his eyes up.  
  
"I know it's hard, but try not to stare," I tease.  
  
He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest.  
  
"Whatever, let's just get back. We both have to wake up early tomorrow."

On Monday morning, Renjun's outside waiting when I pull up to his apartment complex. He has two coffees in his hand. I honk at him, just to piss him off and he shoots daggers into me.  
  
"I hate you," he says as he gets into the car, slamming the door behind him.  
  
"Careful with Scarlett! She's fragile, especially in the morning, it's cold for her too you know."  
  
Renjun rolls his eyes. "Sorry," he mutters.  
  
I smile contently, backing out of the driveway. Once we're on the street, he hands me my coffee.  
  
"I didn't know how you take it so I just got it black–"  
  
"Are you crazy?!" I shout.  
  
"Chill! I grabbed a bunch of cream and sugar, just in case."  
  
I sigh in relief. "Can you put it in, I can't do it while driving."

He puts his cup in the drink holder and takes mine.  
  
"How much do you want?"  
  
"How much did you grab?"  
  
"Oh god," he laughs. "I'm giving you four creams and four sugars. Any more than that is asking for diabetes."  
  
It's a quick ride to campus, but I'm lucky my parking spot is on the side of campus where our class is.  
  
"So you would walk this every morning?" I ask.  
  
He nods.  
  
"That's a long walk."  
  
"Only like a half-hour. I don't really mind. It's just that it's so damn early."  
  
"I kind of like that it's early, we get it done and out of the way," I admit.

He nods. "That's true."  
  
I'm taking a sip of my coffee when his hand touches my arm. I look over to find him rubbing it and it takes me a second to realize that he's trying to his faded address off.  
  
"Didn't you scrub this?" He asks.  
  
"Yes. I tried soap and water, I scrubbed it in the shower, it was no use."  
  
"I don't like my address out in open for the whole world to see."  
  
"Okay for one, you really need to stop watching Taken, and two, it's not my fault you tattooed your address into my arm."  
  
He lets out a "humpf" and crosses his arms over his chest.  
  
"You get all wound up so easily," I chuckle, pulling into the parking space.

"Is that why you call me princess?" He asks, unbuckling.  
  
"Yes," I chuckle, grabbing my backpack from the backseat. "But there are other things I could call you."  
  
"Like what?" He asks, turning towards me.  
  
I lean closer to him. "Like...kitten."  
  
"Hell no," he growls.  
  
"Alright," I say, backing away and unbuckling. "Princess it is."  
  
"I hate you," he says for the second time in less than thirty minutes.  
  
"Remember who's letting you use this very convenient parking spot every Friday," I say, smirking as I get out of the car.

I hear him curse under his breath as he gets out of the car and we begin walking to class. "You're right," he sighs. "And by the way, I'm really grateful for you agreeing to pick me up and letting me use your spot and all that."  
  
"It's no problem," I say. We walk together to class, falling into what's become our usual banter.

* * *

In the next two weeks, I watch as my grades slip, dropping lower and lower. When coach tells us about a 4-day tournament, I know I'm in trouble. Midseason GPA requirement check is coming up soon, and I'm not making the mark.  
  
For some reason, that night I find myself shooting Renjun a text.

  
  
_Hey, won't be in class this week, going for a few days, hockey tournament._

_No worries. Have fun & good luck!_

_You can use my parking spot if you want._

_Have to take car to shop :( no parking for me this week. It's alright though, thanks anyways!_

I feel bad knowing he'll have to walk, and I lie in bed for a long time staring at my phone. Finally, I responded.

  
  
_What's wrong with car?_

_I think something underneath it broke. Like a pipe or something is dragging on the ground...don't know how I broke it..._

_Want me to fix it?_

_That's sweet but it's okay, I'll just take it in_

_They'll charge you. I'll do it for free and it'll take like 10 minutes_

  
  
It takes him a while to respond and I realize I'm waiting for his response. What's wrong with me?

When was the last time I offered to fix someone's car, and for free? Never. When was the last time I wanted to? NEVER.

  
  
_Are you sure?_

_On my way_

  
* * *

"How do you know so much about cars?" Renjun asks me, sitting next to me. I slide under the car on the board I brought with me.  
  
"I used to help my dad with cars when I was younger, he runs an auto shop," I say, tightening a pipe.  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Hey, can you hand me the flare nut wrench?"  
  
"Um, yeah, give me a second," he says.  
  
I hear him flip through my tool manual trying to find which one of the wrenches is the flare nut.

"Renjun?"  
  
"Hold on a sec, I'm looking."  
  
"It's the one right by my hand."  
  
"There are literally six different wrenches right by your hand."  
  
"Okay don't sweat it, I'll just grab it."  
  
"No! Don't move. Let me do this."  
  
"Okay," I sigh. He sits criss-cross on the ground and compares the wrenches to the 500-page manual.  
  
"Jun, I'm holding something in place, my arm's starting to hurt," I sigh.  
  
"Wait," he laughs.  
  
I watch him from under the car, he's found the wrench. His eyes are staring right at it, but he waits to test my patience.

"Renjuuuuuuun," I groan.  
  
"God, you're so dramatic. I've almost got it."  
  
I catch him picking up the wrench and hiding it behind his back. Then he pretends to flip through the pages for a few more minutes.  
  
"Okay it's not here," he says finally.  
  
"What?"  
  
"No seriously, it's not here!"  
  
I roll out and look at the line of wrenches.  
  
"And you got all impatient for me not finding it," he says, pretending to be irritated and pushing my shoulder lightly.  
  
"Wait a minute," I say looking at the wrenches. "You said that there were six wrenches by my hand and now there's five."

I look up at him and smile.  
  
"What are you smiling at? I don't know where it is!" He says throwing his hands up.  
  
"You're totally fucking with me," I laugh. "I know you have it."  
  
"I don't! I swear!"  
  
I chuckle and move forward towards him.  
  
"I saw you take it," I whisper in his ear, reaching behind him and picking it up. "But you're cute," I say, pressing a kiss to his cheek while retreating.  
  
Before he even has time to react I'm back under the car with the wrench. After a minute he clears his throat.  
  
"So you're telling me that you knew the whole time but you played along?"  
  
"Yup."

"Why?" He asks frustrated.  
  
"I already told you."  
  
"Because you saw me take it?"  
  
"No, because your little act was cute."  
  
He blushed furiously and opens the tool manual back up to busy himself.  
  
"Hey, can you grab the black toolbox over there?" I ask. "I need some of the stuff in there."  
  
"Sure, what do you need?"  
  
"Um, the C-clamp."  
  
He grabs the toolbox quickly and opens it up. There are photos on top but he quickly moves them to the side and grabs the clamp.  
  
I hate myself for keeping those damn photos. I pray he won't look at them. He picks one up. Fuck.

"He's pretty," he says handing me the clamp.  
  
"Who?" I ask, playing dumb.  
  
"The boy in this photo. Boyfriend?"  
  
"Oh, yeah he's pretty. He's no one though."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
He flips to the next photo which I know will show him sitting in my lap and laughing while I'm kissing his cheek. Fuck why did I keep the damn photos?  
  
"Doesn't look like no one," Renjun murmurs.  
  
I sigh loudly and he covers his mouth with his hand.  
  
"Shit! Did I say that out loud? I'm sorry! You're nice enough to fix my car for free and I go snooping through your private photos. I'm really sorry–"

"Renjun, chill. It's fine," I say rolling out and getting off of the platform to sit across from him. I take the photos and flip through them slowly. My heart clenches in pain seeing how happy I was in the photo.  
  
"I shouldn't have these anymore," I sigh.  
  
"What happened?" He asks quietly.  
  
"He cheated on me."  
  
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry–"  
  
"With my best friend," I add.  
  
Renjun stops talking and looks at the ground.  
  
"Needless to say we're not best friends anymore."  
  
I get back on the platform and slide under the car again.  
  
"Did you love him?" Renjun asks.

"No. I thought I did. I was a stupid teenager. But the minute I saw him with him...I fell out of...whatever I thought it was that I had with him. It was in high school. I'm over it. Now, why don't you get under here and get your hands dirty?" I ask, changing the subject.  
  
"Oh, I don't know bout that. I don't really like the idea of grease."  
  
"It's not that bad."  
  
"It's all sticky, and nasty."  
  
"Oh come on Jun, you'll have fun."  
  
"I think for now I'm good staying out here and just handing you the tools."  
  
"Okay, suit yourself."  
  
He gets back to slipping through the manual but stops to hand me whatever I need.

"So what about you, any past or present boyfriends?" I ask, curious nipping at me.  
  
"Nope," he shrugs, his shoulders tensing.  
  
"Really? That surprises me. No one's tried to ask you out or anything?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
I roll out from under the car. "Bullshit."  
  
He shrugs. "It's a, uh...touchy subject."  
  
I study him for a minute and then roll back under the car. Once I've finally finished with the car and I'm confident it's good to go, I'm pretty exhausted. I had a long day at practice and now with some sore arms, I need to have some fun.  
  
"Okay that's it, you're getting dirty," I smirk, rolling out from under the car.  
  
"Oh no. No. Jaemin don't!"

"Scared of a little grease?" I tease, wiggling my eyebrows and showing him my dirty hands.

He stands up quickly and squirms away but I run after him. I catch his wrist and pull him backward. Then I move quickly, pulling him into me until his back is pressed against my chest, just like that day at the fair.

"Jaemin I swear to god, you better not," he says, humor still in his voice.

I chuckle and wrap my arms around his stomach, the urge to get him messy overwhelming.

"I mean it Jaemin, I just took a shower!" He laughs.

I sigh and pull away slowly, respecting his wishes. He gasps as I pull away and I freeze.

"What?" I ask.

He turns around and pushes up the sleeve of my shirt, revealing a big blue and purple bruise.

"Oh my god, Jaemin, did you get into a fight?" he asks, gaping at the injury, his finger brushing over it soothingly.  
  
"You could say that," I chuckle.  
  
"What? With who?" he asks, looking up at me, his eyes clouding with anger.  
  
"Relax princess," I chuckle, reaching out and brushing my thumb across his cheek. "It's called practice," I pull away quickly. I shouldn't be touching him like that.  
  
"Practice?"  
  
Confusion replaces the anger in his eyes as he looks back down at the bruise.  
  
"Hockey practice did this to you?"  
  
"It's a contact sport. I'm used to it."  
  
"What happens if you get hurt? Like really hurt?"

I cross my arms over my chest and Renjun finally drops his hand from the bruise. "Now if I didn't know better, I'd say you were concerned for my well being."  
  
He squints at me and copies my pose, crossing his arms over his chest. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves buddy."  
  
We have to stare down until he breaks, giggling and letting his arms fall loosely at his side.  
  
"You probably have to get back soon, huh?"  
  
I look down at my watch. Shit, it's getting late already.  
  
When I look back up, he's frowning. It makes something in me stir. "You're going to miss me," I say, a smirk sliding up my face.  
  
"I-"  
  
"No, don't you even deny it, it's written all over your face."

He squints at me. "Sometimes I want to slap that smug little smirk right off your face."  
  
I chuckle, striding over to him. "Don't worry princess, I'm going to miss you, too."  
  
"Don't call me that," he growls.  
  
I pull him into my arms for a hug.  
  
"Jaemin, I swear if I find grease on a single inch of my body, I will kick you so hard in the nuts-"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"I mean it," he laughs lightly.  
  
"Alright Jun," I say, stepping back. "I'll see you bright and early next Monday morning."  
  
He nods and tucks a piece of hair behind his ear, smiling and waving goodbye to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect this fic to be doing so well here. Thank you so much for reading!  
> You can leave your thoughts anonymously here: [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/JustMeanTea1323/)


	5. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

What are you thinking? What are you doing? Thank god I had these four days away from Jaemin. I needed to step back. Now is not the time to get caught up with some boy. My reasoning is simple. I'm incapable of being loved. Anyone who finds out what happened to me is going to treat me differently. Either with pity or disgust. It always happens. It even happened with YangYang (his side was pity). I'm scared to lose my friendship with Jaemin. I'm more scared that if he finds out he'll look at me with disgust. I need to pull away. I'll shut him out. Ignore him. I'll refuse his rides and his parking spot. I'll forget all about his kind gestures. I'll only think about how he irritates me. How arrogant he is. How he smokes. My phone buzzes with a text and I pull it out.

**Jaemin**

_Okay, fine...maybe I miss you too_

There's a smile on my face, and I will it away immediately. He's only been gone for seven days. He has no reason to miss me for a measly week.

He's coming back tomorrow. I'll focus on the trial. My focus needs to be on the trial! My phone rings and I pray it isn't Jaemin. When I look at the caller ID, I see the name Xuxi staring back at me. I smile and this time, I don't will away the feeling. I press answer.  
  
"Hey look who finally answered his phone!" My brother says to greet me.  
  
I wince. "Sorry, I've been really busy."  
  
"How's the trial going?" He asks.  
  
"We selected a jury. We're getting into the good stuff soon. How about you, what are you up to?"  
  
"Kun and I are going to watch a hockey game. Your school's playing later I think?"  
  
I freeze for a moment. Fuck fuck fuck. Xuxi knows about what happened to me. If he meets Jaemin, if he lets something slip...  
  
"JunJun, you still there?" He asks.

I force out a laugh. "I wouldn't stick around for their game. Our team sucks."  
  
There's a pause on the other end. "Jun your school's team is in third. They definitely don't suck. What's going on?"  
  
Oh shit.  
  
"Xuxi, I'm getting another call, it might be from the office, sorry, I have to take this," I lie. I hate lying to my brother.  
  
"It's a boy isn't it?" He asks.  
  
I panic. I panic and I hung up, which really just makes my situation worse. It gives my brother an answer. A panicked yes. I rush out of the apartment and head over to the office, where I actually have work to do. Anything to get my mind off of what just happened.

* * *

Four days later, I have to go to court. I heard nothing from Jaemin or Xuxi, so I hope that nothing happened. I hope, with all my heart, that Xuxi didn't do what I can easily imagine him doing. But Jaemin hasn't texted or called, and he's been back for three days now.  
  
As I head inside the courtroom, I spot my partner, Choi San, already sitting at the prosecutor's table with our victim, Yeji. I promised Yeji at the beginning of the trial that I was going to do everything I could to put the son of a bitch who attacked her behind the bars. I want her to have what I never could, closure. Three hours later, San and I have gone over our plan of cross-examination for the day. We've filled out all the right paperwork, and the courtroom has gained a full crowd. This case is a big deal because the defendant is an alleged rapist, on multiple accounts. We're trying to peg him for rape 3.  
  
"At this time, we would like to call witness Park JaeHyung to the stand," San says to the judge.

After he's sworn in, the witness approaches the stand and sits down. He nervously pushes up his glasses and I pass a note to my partner. He reads over it and stands up.  
  
"Mr. Park," he begins. "Where were you the night of the attack?"  
  
He loosens his tie and leans towards the microphone.  
  
"I was taking a walk in the park."  
  
"At what time?"  
  
"Evening, around 6."  
  
San walks towards the jury. "And what did you see?"  
  
"Well, there was a girl, she was crying. I saw that her dress was all torn and she wasn't on the path. She was in the dirt, by a big group of trees."  
  
"And what did you do then?" He asks.

"I approached her. I asked her if she was okay."  
  
"What was her response?"  
  
"She just kept crying. She was sobbing so hard, I knew something was wrong. A lady jogging by saw us and I filled her in. She called 911, and we stayed with her until the police got there."  
  
"Did you see or find anything else suspicious at the park that evening?"  
  
"No, but the lady jogging, it was her fourth lap around the park, and she told me she saw a man rush out of the same patch of woods earlier–"  
  
"Objection," the defense calls. "Speculation, witness can't make a statement about what he thinks someone may have seen."  
  
The judge clears his throat. "Agreed. The jury will disregard."  
  
"No further questions," San says. He walks back over to the table where I hand him another note.

_Nice job_ , it reads.  
  
He smiles at me and we wait for the defense to question our witness. San does well, objecting whenever it's needed and the judge gives us a recess just a few hours in. During that time, San gets a phone call, his mother's in the hospital. This puts a huge weight on my shoulders. I may need to take over the case full time. I need to at least wrap up the day as San goes to visit his mother. When the stress becomes overwhelming I call YangYang.  
  
"Hey boy, what's up?"  
  
"YangYang, I need help, I'm freaking out. I'm supposed to cross-examine this witness in like five minutes and I'm going completely blank."  
  
"Okay, Renjun, breathe. Just breathe. You've been preparing for this for a long time. Just breathe and have confidence, and don't falter."  
  
I take several deep breaths and nod my head. "You're right. I'm ready for this."

I head back into the courtroom, my head held high. Before I can take my seat, the judge waves me towards the bench. I hurry over to him. He leans over and says, "I'm going to adjourn the case for today. At least until tomorrow. Perhaps your partner will be here then."  
  
"Oh judge, I appreciate the favor, but I'm ready to question the witness."  
  
The judge gives me a small smile.  
  
"While I'm sure you're perfectly capable Mr. Huang, I think it's best to wait until your partner returns so that the victim has a real chance."  
  
A real chance. I smile tightly and walk back to the table, gathering up my notes. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. I don't hear what the judge says, everything is being drowned out by my shame, embarrassment. I'm going back into that dark place.  
  
Naive. Just a naive boy. Why don't I ever learn? I walk with Yeji and tell her I'll call her when I know what's going on.

Her family takes her away and I leave the courthouse quickly. I head home to YangYang. As soon as I walk in, he looks confused.  
  
"Renjun, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to–"  
  
"Nope," I interrupt. "The judge wanted to wait so that Yeji had 'a real chance'."  
  
I open the fridge and pull out a carton of ice cream. I take a spoon and dig in, letting myself wallow in sadness.  
  
YangYang heads over to me and takes the spoon from me, throwing it in the sink. "No way. You are not doing this tonight. We're going out. That judge is an asshole and he doesn't know what he's talking about."  
  
"YangYang, I really don't want to–"  
  
"Too bad. I'm calling Hendery and asking him to bring that guy you like... Jaemin."

"YangYang you better not!" I warn, standing straight.  
  
"Ah-ha! So you admit that you like him!" He pulls out his phone and runs to the bathroom.  
  
"YangYang don't!" I shout running after him. He's too quick and he locks himself in the bathroom. I hear him on the phone with his brother in a minute.  
  
"Hendery hey! We're going out tonight and Renjun wants Jaemin to come," he giggles, suggestively. I groan, hitting my head on the door. After a beat, I hear him say, "What? What do you mean?"  
  
I recognize his voice, it's panic. It's the same voice I wore with my brother a few days ago.  
  
"We're coming over," he says.  
  
I stand up straight, becoming panicked. Is someone hurt? The door opens and YangYang steps out, shaking.

"YangYang, what is it?" I ask.  
  
"It's Jaehyun. Hendery says he's in bad shape. I have to go see him. Please come, Renjun I'm begging you, please come with me."  
  
"Of course I'll go," I say, pulling him into a hug.  
  
He grips me for a minute and then grabs our first aid kit from under the bathroom counter.

* * *

One of the guys, Johnny, swings the door open for us.  
  
"Your brother's here, Hendery!" He yells behind him. He blocks the door frame. YangYang tries to look around him.  
  
"Can we please come in?" He asks, frustrated.  
  
"I don't know if that's a good idea," Johnny says.  
  
His hands clench into fists. "If this is about my brother–"

Johnny interrupts him, leaning in closer to us. "It's not about Hendery. It's about Jaehyun. He told me not to let you see him, not like this."  
  
I look at YangYang in a flash. I knew he and Jaehyun were friends, but I didn't know that they were... more.  
  
YangYang shoves past Johnny before Hendery can get to the door. He grabs my hand, pulling me into the house with him. Hendery's heading to the door when YangYang breezes past him. We head past a giant kitchen to a big living area with a couch, television, pool table, and even a minibar. Jaemin's sitting next to the couch with his eyes closed. Is he sleeping? Jaehyun is also asleep, draped over the couch. He looks like shit. Like a completely battered, broken boy.  
  
Johnny comes over to us and releases a breath. "Oh thank god, he's finally asleep."  
  
"What the hell is going on?" I ask.

Johnny nods his head at Jaemin. "He hasn't slept for two days, he's been sitting here, trying to help Jaehyun. This is the first time he has even shut his eyes."  
  
"And what about Jaehyun?" I ask.  
  
YangYang kneels in front of the couch and touches Jaehyun's forehead, stroking his bruised cheek. Jaehyun groans, waking up.  
  
"Jaehyun's been able to sleep just fine," Johnny responds. "He just can't move."  
  
As Jaehyun's head turn to look at YangYang, he groans again. "You shouldn't be here."  
  
Hendery comes in and tries to pick YangYang up. "No, you shouldn't," He agrees.  
  
YangYang wheels on him. "Get the hell away from me, Hendery. I'm twenty-two years old, I can handle myself."

His eyes drop in shame and he shuffles away. YangYang kneels back down beside Jaehyun, still a little angry. "You don't get to tell me what to do, you hear me?" He says, looking at Jaehyun sternly.  
  
He nods his head once, his lips turning up in a smile. "Yes, Sir."  
  
Jaemin's eyes snap open. "What?" He says, looking around.  
  
"Jesus Christ," Johnny groans.

"Jun?" Jaemin calls my name out in confusion. "What the hell? Am I dreaming?"  
  
"Smooth dude," Hendery says from the kitchen.  
  
YangYang stands up and shoots him a glare. "Tell me you would be 'smooth' after not sleeping for 48 hours."  
  
That shut Hendery right up. Jaemin stares at me with hooded eyes, not really aware of what's happening. YangYang looks over at him and then at me. He turns quickly at Johnny and Hendery.

"You two, leave, now," he orders. YangYang's in med school and he has the perfect doctor voice that no one dares disobey. "You aren't helping anyone and we don't need you here. Go away, and stay away, for a long time."  
  
Johnny puts his hands up in surrender, grabs his keys, phone, wallet, and leaves. Hendery opens his mouth to say something, but YangYang gives him a deadly glance and he reluctantly trudges out of the door.  
  
I'm a little scared when he turns towards me, but he just smiles.  
  
"You should probably take him upstairs, to sleep. And maybe you could give us some time alone?" He asks, referring to Jaehyun and himself.  
  
I nod, smiling and I grab Jaemin's hand.  
  
"Come on, Jaemin."

He immediately laces his fingers through mine and follows me upstairs. There are four doors up here so I turn to him asking, "Which one?"  
  
He points to the room at the end of the hallway and I lead the way. Almost as soon as he's inside the door, he's making a beeline for the bed. He's pulling me with him. He drops my hand to open up the covers and he scoots inside. Then he has my hand and he's pulling me in with him. I kick off my shoes and let him pull me into the huge bed. I only let him because I think he's a little delusional right now.  
  
"Tell me about your day," he whispers, keeping at a couple of feet distance between us and releasing my hand.  
  
"Jaemin, you need to sleep."  
  
"I know," he sighs. I wait for him to fall asleep, but for some reason, he won't relax.  
  
"Tell me about your day," he says again.  
  
I let out a sigh. "It was good. I went to court and helped my client." I lie.

He hums in content. For a reason I can't explain, my finger reaches out, running through his hair again. I tell myself it's fine. He's just tired and I'm trying to help him relax.  
  
"Now you ask me about my day," he whispers like he's letting me in on his secret. I laugh lightly and go along with it.  
  
"How was your day?"  
  
"Well, my day wasn't that great. I'm pretty tired, and I'm worried about my friend." It's obvious he's telling the truth.  
  
"He'll be fine," I assure. "Now sleep, and when you wake up, everything will be good again."  
  
"Okay," he yawns.  
  
"Okay," I whisper, touching his cheek.  
  
He sighs contently and I swear he's snoring in a minute. I watch him for a while, wanting to let YangYang have his time alone.

For a full hour, I let myself indulge in Why Not thoughts. I let myself daydream about what a relationship with Na Jaemin would be like.  
  
I even let myself imagine telling him about my past. I imagine his reaction being perfect. Understanding. And then us going on to live with him looking at me the same exact way he always has. Why not let someone know? What if they can help? He can help. By the time the hour's up, I think I've brought down a big chunk of the wall I put up years ago.  
  
I deserve to be wanted.  
  
The thought of Jaemin and I as a couple sends a shock through me. I lie in bed with him for an hour thinking I'm going to try this. I get up from his bed and I head back downstairs quietly. I hear YangYang and Jaehyun talking to one another in hushed tones and I don't want to snoop so I make myself known. I knock on the wall next to me and YangYang glances over at me, smiling. I wave him over and he comes over to me.

"I was just about to go grab some food," I whisper in his ear. "Do you guys want anything?"  
  
"Actually there is something," he says quietly.  
  
He leans into my ear, whispering his order. I smile and head off for the boy's favorite burger joint. I'm waiting for the food from Wendy's and playing a game on my phone to pass the time when I hear my name. I look in the direction of where my name is being muttered and see two girls sitting in the diner, giggling. As soon as they see me staring at them, their giggles stop abruptly.  
  
Why are you surprised? Of course, people still laugh at you. Of course, you're still recognized.  
  
You're a failure in the courtroom, whether you're the victim or the prosecutor.  
  
I feel a tear slide down my face and I wipe it quickly. This is why not. Because I'm damaged. And I can't be fixed.

When my order is called I stand up and take it and drive back to the house, filling in all the reasons for the why nots. I'm not YangYang. I can't have that relationship. But I can try to make sure his is damn successful. I walk inside with the bags of food. I hand YangYang his large chocolate milkshake and he takes it, sneaking it behind his back to surprise Jaehyun with it. I look into the bag and pull out the large vanilla. I planned on staying, giving it to him, but the giggles haunt me. I write his name on the cup and on the burger I ordered him.  
  
I tell YangYang I'm leaving, that I'll be back to pick him up whenever he needs it.  
  
And then I go, another tear rolling free on my way out. How am I still so naive after all this time? How could I be so stupid? I promised myself I wouldn't. I promised myself that I would not let anyone get close enough to me to make me feel like this. But I did it, I went against my very own oath.


	6. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

I slept for a long ass time. From when Renjun showed up to early morning the next day. When I go downstairs, starving, I open up the fridge in frustration. I don't know why I'm even bothering, it's not like there's anything to eat in this house besides...

 _Jaemin_  
  
My eyes fall on the small burger wrapped in paper with the label "Wendy's" on it. He brought me food. I smile and shove the burger into the microwave to heat it up.  
  
Jaehyun trudges into the kitchen and looks longingly at the burger in the microwave.  
  
"Don't even think about it," I say, pointing at him. I wonder what he's doing up so early, just I find the answer when he opens the cupboard, pulling out pain meds.  
  
"He brought you a milkshake, too," he says, before swallowing the pills dry. I open the freezer and find a large milkshake staring back at me. I pull it out to let it sit and thaw a little.

"When did he leave?"  
  
"Who, Renjun?"  
  
The microwave goes off and I pull out my breakfast, nodding.  
  
"He left right after he brought over the food. YangYang left a little while afterward."  
  
I nod again, sinking my teeth into the mouthwatering burger.  
  
"Hey, if you get a chance, tell him I said thanks for the food. He brought me some, too," he says.  
  
I swallow. "I will. Bet you didn't get a milkshake though did you?"  
  
He chuckles and nods. "Chocolate. But YangYang was behind it."  
  
I squint at him and he shrugs at me. "No worries man, I don't have eyes for Renjun."

I pause before taking another bite of my burger. "No, just for YangYang," I reply, with a mouthful of heaven.  
  
He stares at me for a minute, making my words much for serious than I had intended them to be. He takes a seat at the counter and breathes out a breath and rubs his neck.  
  
"I don't know dude. There are too many things in the way."  
  
I swallow. I hadn't really planned on a deep shit talk today but looks like it's coming anyway.  
  
"Hendery?" I ask.  
  
He nods. "But it's not just that. I'm gonna fuck it up man, I just know it."  
  
"Well yeah, you will if you think that way."  
  
He shakes his head tapping his fingers on the counter. "Nah man, it's more than that. I don't want him to get hurt."

"Then don't hurt him."  
  
My bites are so big that the burger is disappearing before me. I hold off and start on my milkshake.  
  
"There's a lot to lose," Jaehyun says, glancing at Hendery's room.  
  
"There's a lot to gain, too," I shrug. I look over at Hendery's. "He'll understand if you have good intentions."  
  
He scoffs. "Oh come on man. When it comes to the emotional shit, yeah I have good intentions, but when it comes to the...physical stuff, I have anything but good intentions."  
  
I laugh lightly. "Yeah, I get you man. Just, I don't know..." I grab my burger again. "Tell him and you guys can confront it together."  
  
He stares at me for long enough to make me uncomfortable.

"Good talk man," he says, as I swallow. He stands up and slaps me on the back. "Maybe you should take some of your own advice."  
  
I snort a laugh. "What? With who?" I ask, playing dumb.  
  
Jaehyun looks right through my bullshit and rolls his eyes at me. I shrug. "He's not interested."  
  
He laughs and looks at the burger in my hand and the milkshake by me.  
  
"He was just being nice. He brought you one, too."  
  
He shrugs. "I guess that's true. But you two have been spending more time together lately."  
  
"Yeah, and the more we hang out, the more he pulls back. He's not interested, dude. And neither am I, really." I lie.  
  
He nods and drops it. "Game tomorrow," he reminds me, walking back upstairs.

Tomorrow? But the game's on Tuesday, which makes today...Monday! Shit!  
  
I check the time on my phone. Seven-thirty. Double shit. I'm already half an hour late for class. I finish the burger and rush upstairs, throwing on some clothes and brushing my teeth. I grab my keys, phone, wallet, and run out of the house, speeding to class.

* * *

As I open the door to the classroom, my eyes immediately land on Renjun. The seat next to him has his bag on it, and I smile. He was saving it for me. I hurry up the stairs, girls smiling at me and batting their pretty eyes. For the first time, I ignore them and keep my sight set on Renjun. When I approach my seat he grabs his backpack and moves it out of the way, without even looking up.  
  
"Sorry I'm late," I whisper. "I just woke up."

He continues typing on his laptop, not even acknowledging that I'm here.  
  
His laptop...oh shit! I left my school stuff at home. I groan lightly and look over at his perfect notes.

"Can you send me those, please?" I ask, trying to beg him with my best pouting face.  
  
When he ignores me again, I think something is up. Is he wearing earbuds? No. Is he deaf in one ear? I don't think so. Is he pissed at me? The professor excuses class early and he quickly shoves his things in his bag, taking off in a beat, just like he used to do. Maybe he's just cranky?  
  
"Renjun, wait," I call, going after him.  
  
He walks forward quickly, pretending not to hear me. I jog to catch up with him and soon, I match his stride.  
  
"Did I do something?"  
  
"No," he says.  
  
"Okay..." he picks up his pace and I cut quickly, cutting him off. "Why are you ignoring me then?"  
  
"Jaemin, I need to get to work," he replies, stepping to the side of me brushing past me.

"Well wait. I'll give you a ride."  
  
He shakes his head no and smiles lightly. "Thanks but I already have a ride."  
  
I feel myself deflate. What is going on?  
  
I follow him until he reaches a shiny black Porsche.  
  
"This is me," he says, finally coming to stop. I stare at the car in surprise.  
  
"Where do you work?"  
  
"I'm an attorney. I have to get to court Jaemin, sorry. I'll see you tomorrow...or not. Whatever."  
  
All I'm feeling from him is ice. Some guy gets out of the front seat and leans against the door, waiting for Renjun.  
  
He gives me a tight smile before heading to the car and sliding in.

I make sure I'm at class early on game day, wanting as much time as possible with Renjun to question the shit out of him. When he walks in the class and glances up at me I smile and wave him over before he can try to sit somewhere else. He sighs heavily and flops down next to me.  
  
"Good morning," I say, pulling out my notes. He gives me the same tight smile and pulls out his laptop.  
  
"I didn't know you were a lawyer."  
  
"I am."  
  
"What case are you working on?"  
  
He shrugs and I sigh.  
  
"Okay, what's with the cold shoulder? If I did something, you should just tell me."  
  
"You didn't do anything," he says, flashing me a smile that he must think is more convincing.

"Who was that guy?" I ask.  
  
"He's on the case too. We're working together."  
  
"Oh," I nod.  
  
It's quiet for a while and then when I decide that he's officially uninterested, I clear my throat.  
  
"Well...thanks, for the food you brought the other day."  
  
"Yeah, no problem," he says softly.

* * *

Throughout the whole lecture, I can't focus on anything. There are too many things in my head.  
  
Renjun, he doesn't like me, and he's with this guy. This rich, lawyer prick. And on top of it all, I have a game and I'm not even excited. What's the point? I won't be able to play after I flunk this class anyways. The GPA requirement is going to screw me over because I'm too stupid to do anything remotely successful in a classroom.

I stop trying to take notes and instead I just mess around, drawing a hockey stick and puck. I even try to sketch some of my skates.  
  
"You could at least try," Renjun whispers, breaking me from my trance.  
  
I let out a breathy laugh. "Remember when I told you that I don't take notes on my laptop cause it's boring?"  
  
He nods, looking over at me.  
  
"I lied. I don't take notes on my laptop because my notes suck either way."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"That means I'm fucking stupid."  
  
He pauses for a moment and swallows loudly. "Jaemin, don't say that."  
  
"Why not? It's true."

"Didn't you say-"  
  
I interrupt him when I notice he's no longer typing. "Sorry, I'm distracting you."  
  
He looks back at his screen for a minute and then shrugs. "It's fine. Anyways, didn't you say you have ADHD?"  
  
I nod. "Dyslexia too."  
  
"Well, that's a condition Jaemin. You're not stupid, you just need some treatment. My brother has ADHD, I can ask him to set something up for you."  
  
"You have a brother?" I ask, far more distracted by this news than his suggestion.  
  
"Yeah, he was there during your tournament watching hockey match with his boyfriend."  
  
"Older?"  
  
He nods. "Only by a few years, anyway, I'll have him set you up for some treatment, it might really help you."

I shrug. "Maybe...we'll see."

I'm surprised when Renjun's in no rush to leave the classroom today. He packs up slowly and then turns towards me slowly.  
  
"Jaemin, I just want you to know that you're not stupid. You're really bright, and you shouldn't be ashamed-"  
  
I cut him off standing up. I feel like I'm back in third grade, talking to my teacher. It's not a good conversation and it's definitely not good for the ego. Besides, I'm a little fed up with this dance of ours. The mixed signals are confusing the shit out of me. Are we friends or does he hate me? Is he interested or is he taken? I have a game I need to be prepping for, and this shit can't be on my mind while I'm on the ice. I pull an asshole move and I simply repeat his words from yesterday.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow...or not. Whatever."  
  
And then I leave and for the first time, I let him watch me walkout.

* * *

As I head out of the showers with Johnny, a cloud of depression hangs over our heads. Losing sucks.  
  
"You want to go shoot some pool?" Johnny asks, pulling out his keys.  
  
I shake my head. "Nah, I'm just gonna head back to the hub. I have a History test coming up and I really need to study."  
  
"Alright, man. I'll see you later–"  
  
"Hey, guys..." a sweet voice says to the side of us.  
  
We turn our heads and I'm surprised to see Renjun standing there, wringing his hands nervously.  
  
"Did you..." Johnny starts, looking back at the stadium. "Oh no, tell me you didn't witness that disaster."  
  
"I-I came to watch the game," he nods. "I didn't think it was a disaster. I thought you guys all played great."

His eyes are on me as he speaks and I want to smile, but I feel like it's just sympathy from what I revealed earlier. I look away from him, sniffing and clearing my throat as if I have better things to do than talk to him. In my peripherals I see him shift uncomfortably on his feet.  
  
"I can tell you guys are bummed from the loss, you probably need some downtime. But uh, even though you guys lost, I thought it was a great game. Everyone played really well."  
  
"Well, thanks for sticking around Renjun," Johnny says, his tone hinting for me to say something. When Renjun takes a step forward, my entire body clenches. Something tells me that he has the power to break me if he wants.  
  
"So yeah anyways I'll see you guys later," he says quietly. "I hope I'll see you in class tomorrow Jaemin," he adds quickly. Then he shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and walks back to his car, his head hung low.

Once he's safe distance away, Johnny clears his throat.  
  
"Well, that was awfully nice of him."

"He's just a friend" I shrug.  
  
His brow shoots up. "Just a friend? Because if he's single I want to get on that."  
  
Something storms inside me and I clench my jaw.  
  
"No. He's off-limits."  
  
"Come on dude," he stares at him as he walks away. "He's screaming relationship material and the good kind."  
  
"Since when do you want a relationship?" I ask.  
  
"Since I'm 24 and single and tired of Friday night hookups. I have half a mind to run after him right now."  
  
Something seems to register in his brain and he looks back towards me. "You need to run after him right now."

"Since when do I want a relationship?" I ask.  
  
"It doesn't matter if you want a relationship or not," he says shoving me towards him with one hand. "It's called being a douche. He came to the game and waited for you to get out of the locker room. He wants to hang."  
  
I sigh and run a hand through my hair.  
  
"Shit."  
  
I turn around and watch as he clears his throat and slides into his car. And look, I'm running after him. Just as he turns the ignition over I run to the driver's side and tap on the window.  
  
He looks over at me and I think is eyes light up a little bit. He rolls down the window.  
  
"Hey," I say awkwardly.  
  
He smiles lightly and puts the car back into park. After a minute of silence, he begins fiddling with his keys.

"So..." I start, rubbing my neck. "You want to maybe go grab a drink after class tomorrow?"  
  
He stops messing with his keys and looks up at me immediately, nodding. "Yeah, I'd like that."  
  
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then."  
  
"Okay," he says softly. I drum my hands on the door and then I take a step back.  
  
"Hey Renjun, thanks for coming to the game."  
  
"Yeah...no problem."  
  
I smile and let him start his car, pulling out of the lot. He waves at me before he leaves and once he's gone I release a deep breath. I only hope we can get back to where we were.


	7. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

Jaemin walked into class today looking like the dead. A baseball cap covers his head and he's wearing a pair of sunglasses. As he sits down next to me he rests his head on his arms.

"Jesus Jaemin, you look like shit," I say quietly, not wanting to draw attention from the other students. He groans and slides his head so it's still resting on his arms but he's looking at me.

"Yeah, I feel about twenty times worse than I look."

"Are you sick?"

He pulls off his sunglasses, revealing bags under his eyes.

"You could say that," he squints against the classroom lights and I laugh lightly as I realize what's up with him.

"You're hungover."

He groans in confirmation and I laugh again. "What did you have?"

"Just a few beers and some shots."

I snort a laugh. "Yeah, just some shots."

"Stop it, princess, I'm not in the mood."

"Yeah, it's your own fault."

"How do you mean?"

"Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. It's common college knowledge."

"Is it? I must have missed that seminar," he replies sarcastically.

I nudge him in the side. "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed did we?"

He groans yet again and I laugh. I grab my coffee and tap him on the shoulder. "This will make you feel better."

He sits up and takes the coffee, downing it in a few gulps. Before I have a chance to ask him what I really want to know, the professor begins his lecture.

It's beginning to get really cold. The rain is supposed to be coming in this weekend, and I'm hoping for snow. Winter was always my favorite holiday. I tug my coat tighter to myself as I walk outside with Jaemin.

"Should we go for a walk?" He asks.

I nod, relieved to ask the question that has been nipping at me. After a minute or so of silence, I finally speak.

"I suppose this means you want a rain check on drinks?"

He grimaced and nods slowly. "Drinking when you're hungover classifies you as an alcoholic so yeah, rain check."

"So what led you to drink?" I ask, curiosity nipping me.

He pulls his cap down further, and now I can't see his eyes. "The game."

"Jaemin, it really wasn't that bad."

"It was a shut out. It was terrible. And now I'm probably going to get kicked off the team," he huffs.

I look over at him in shock. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

"No, I'm not talking about the game. I'm talking about school. I'm doing terrible in this class and if I can't get my grade up to at least a B, I can't play hockey."

"There's a grade requirement?"

He slows to a stop and kicks at patch dirt with his shoe.

"Yeah."

"Well, I know notes don't really work for you, but there are other methods you could use."

He sighs and continues rubbing his shoe into the dirt. "I can't do study groups because people get fed up with me. What I really need is a tutor. But that's not happening."

"Why can't you get someone to tutor you?"

"It's impossible."

"Impossible?"

"Yes. All the tutors I've had have given up on me."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad to teach you."

"It is. I'm serious. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is."

"Oh stop with the pity party," I laugh, bumping into his shoulder.

"I'm serious. My brain doesn't work."

I snort and roll my eyes. "Please. I bet I could do it."

"Are you kidding me?!" He exclaims. His body shakes with laughter.

"Hey!" I cross my arms over my chest. "I'm not a bad teacher!"

"It's not that..." he says, still chuckling lightly. "It's just that you can barely tolerate me as is. I doubt you could tolerate me at night when I'm exhausted from practice and my brain's all mushy."

"I could do it!" I say, stamping my foot down firmly. I'm confident in my skills to teach, I was a Math tutor all of sophomore year.

His eyes narrow questioningly. "You wanna bet?"

"Yes," I blurt out before I can think of the consequences. Shit.

"Alright."

He thinks for a long moment before a wicked grin spread across his face. "The test is two weeks from Friday. It covers from the Industrial Revolution to World War II."

Shit. That's a lot. Definitely too much to cover in two and a half weeks.

Something tells me he notices the doubt in my eyes and he quickly says, "Okay but I actually know the Industrial Revolution so let's just say...World War One to World War Two."

Still a lot, but it's doable. I nod in agreement, always liking a challenge. He quirks an eyebrow at me and one side of his mouth pulls up into a smirk. I stand my ground firmly. I can do this.

"Your mission...should you choose to accept it," he says, walking around me in a circle. "Will be to tutor me to the point of raising my current GPA."

"And if I fail?" I ask, somewhat nervously.

He faces me squarely and smiles like a wolf. "Since you're so confident you'll be able to tutor me...each problem I miss is a date you have to go on with me."

My heart thumps with a nervous beat.

"What do you say, princess?"

I scowl at the nickname and stick out my hand. "Deal."

* * *

Three days later, I'm back in the courthouse. I haven't even started tutoring Jaemin yet as we're both swamped with our other responsibilities.

San and I whisper to each other, deciding our method for examination. Once we've decided on a tactic, San stands up and approaches the stand, smiling at Yeji, who's shaking and nervously glancing at the man who raped her.

"Yeji, how do you know Kim Minjun?" He asks.

She clears her throat.

"I, um, I work with him. He's the bartender at the restaurant I waitress at."

"And that night, you were at a party at his house?"

"Yes, he invited me and I had nothing better to do. It was a Friday night, I thought I'd go out and have fun."

"You had drinks with him, willingly?"

"Yes."

"And then you kissed him, and got into bed with him?"

"Yes, but that's when it started to change. He was...forceful."

"But you went along with it?"

"Yes, at first, but then, he was too rough, I asked him to slow down. He...he slapped me, told me I was a slut and..."

San pauses and urges her to continue. "And what?"

"And...he said that I wanted it. That's when I told him to stop."

"You told him to stop?"

"Yes. I said no, I said stop. I was crying. I told him he was hurting me, but he didn't care. The more I said, the worse...the worse it was."

San nods to her. "Thank you." He turns towards the defense. "Your witness."

The defense attorney stands up. She makes her way over to the stand.

"Ms. Hwang, you have testified that you went to the defendant's party, drank with him, kissed him, and followed him to his bed willingly."

"Yes, at first."

"Ms. Hwang, how much did you drink that night?"

"I...I don't know. I lost count."

"You don't remember?"

"That whole night...it's all a blur."

San tenses and I shut my eyes for a brief second. Oh no. The defense is going to have a field day with this.

"Perhaps I can refresh your memory." She goes back over to the table and pulls out a file. "You had several cocktails, four beers, and three shots."

"Yes, but–"

"And then after drinking these, you came on to the defendant."

"I admit I was drunk but–"

"Can you see why he got the impression that you wanted to have sex?"

"Yes, until I told him to stop!" she says louder. "That wasn't sex, it hurt, I was crying."

"You have testified that you were drunk and that you did originally consent to have sex with the defendant."

"Yes–"

"Is it possible that you consented during the sex, but it, as you have stated 'all became a blur'?"

"Objection," San calls.

"Is it possible, Ms. Hwang, that you had consensual sex, and woke up the next morning soar, alone, and confused, and... fill in the blanks?"

"No, I told him no."

"You also told him yes."

"Yes, I told him no and yes."

"In that order?"

"I...no, I..."

"So perhaps you didn't know what you wanted, and the no that you sort of remember saying was part of the blur?"

"No...I don't know...I don't know..."

The attorney sighs and smirks at us. "No further questions."

"Well, shit," San murmurs as we walk out of the courthouse.

Yeji has already been taken home and now it's time for us to weigh our options on how to play the rest of the case.

"Don't worry," I say, trying to ease his worries. "We'll get him. You don't end up bloody and bruised in a park because you were too drunk. That argument's only going to last him so long."

San sighs, his phone buzzing in his pocket. "It's my mom, I have to take this."

"Alright. I'll see you at the office next week?"

He nods, answering his phone and turning away. The cold air nips at me as the evening grows closer. I begin to walk to my car, a few blocks down, my shoes already hurting my feet. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out. It's a text from YangYang.

_ Lunch? _

I type quickly, not liking being unaware of my surroundings.

_ Sure. On my way home right now. _

I put my phone away and pull my keys out as my car comes into view.

* * *

Getting home is a relief. Sometimes the hours in the courtroom drain me like nothing else. I get back to find YangYang and to my surprise, Jaehyun, in the kitchen, having some sort of war. I smile at the ingredients strewn about and the mess that they've made on each other.

"Oh don't worry we'll clean it up," YangYang says almost immediately. I wave him off and laugh.

"It's fine, I just hope this is not what you meant by lunch."

He giggles and elbows Jaehyun in the side. The way he looks at him, it sends a longing through me. I want someone to look at me that way. His attention turns to me as I kick off my shoes.

"You know, Jaemin would probably try to kick my ass for telling you this, but he has been sulking for the last two days."

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be tutoring him but I got swamped with the trial." I look over at Yangyang. "Maybe I should take a rain check on lunch?"

Jaehyun looks at his watch. "More like dinner."

"It's no problem," YangYang replies. I think he's secretly happy to be alone with Jaehyun and have him all to himself. I chuckle at the two of them and go to my room to change into comfier clothes. I leave pretty quickly, wanting to get out of YangyYang's hair. As I head over to Jaemin's place with all my books, I let my mind wander to the trial. If this fucker gets off the hook...

As I roll to a stop in front of the house, I notice a car out front that I don't recognize. I pause for a moment in my car, staring at the red Prius. I probably should have called before I came over. The guys could have company or...an idea strikes me.

Jaemin could have...company.

A knock on my window startles me and I jump. When I look over and spot Hendery, I sigh.

"You scared me," I say rolling down the window.

"Sorry. I was just on my way to the store and I found you here, hiding."

"I'm not hiding," I say quickly. I've known Hendery as long as I've known YangYang and in many ways, he's like a brother to me.

"Uh-huh, sure."

"Okay," I sigh. "I was just wondering if Jaemin's home."

"Yeah, he's in the shower. Don't worry Jun, the Prius belongs to Johnny, he's just fixing it up for some friend."

I sigh in relief and step out of my car.

"Hey, have you seen YangYang today?" Hendery asks as he walks to his car.

I nod. "He's at the apartment with Jaehyun. Why?"

"No reason," he shakes his head and I think I even see a smile on his face as he gets into his car and drives away.

I take my things to the door and knock. Johnny opens the door chuckling. "I'm glad you're here, he wouldn't stop sulking."

"Yeah, it's my fault. He really needs to pass this test. I've just been caught up with the trial...oh nevermind."

"Trial?" He asks, moving to the side so I can come inside. "I'm sorta a law buff."

I glance at the stairs and hear the water running. I turn back around to Johnny. "Well, I can't tell you anything, but feel free to use the internet."

He flops down on the couch and pulls his laptop off the table after some typing, his jaws drop open.

"You have the Hwang case?" He asks in shock.

I nod, biting my lip.

"Oh my god, you have to tell me about it."

"I can't," I laugh lightly. "Attorney-client privilege."

He squints at me and clicks on his laptop looking back up at me. "There's another case here with you in it? When you were fifteen?"

Panic rushes through me, the blood pounding in my ears making me deaf. As his eyes fall back on the laptop, I hurry over and shut it on him.

"Pease don't look at that. It was a bad...loss."

He chuckles, pointing his finger at me. "I see what you're trying to do here. You only want me to see your accomplishments huh? Trying to keep me away from the flaws?"

I laugh sharply. If only you knew.

"Just...stay away from the other case."

He puts his hands up, shrugging. "Sure."

Just in time, Jaemin comes downstairs, drying his hair with a towel. And of course, he's shirtless.

"Johnny, I'm gonna go have a smoke but tell me–" he stops talking when his eyes land on me. "Renjun? What are you doing here?"

He keeps looking between my comfort clothes and Johnny. Does he think...

"How long have you been here?" He asks.

"Just a few minutes."

He sighs in relief and smile finally appears on his face. "Ready to teach me finally."

I nod, holding up my books. "Sorry, I've been sidetracked with the trial."

Johnny stands up, jutting his thumb at me. "This one's a bit famous in the world of law," he says. "He's got the Hwang case."

Jaemin leans forward in surprise. "The one that has been on the news?"

"That's the one," I nod. "Anyways, enough about me, let's talk about Napoleon."

Jaemin runs his hand through his wet hair and I'm definitely staring. Shit. I just can't help it. My hand twitches at my side, longing to reach out and touch him. His jeans rest low in his waist and I'm feeling things I've only felt a few times before.

"You want to study here?" He asks, apparently not noticing my ogling.

"Yeah I mean, I don't know...is there somewhere else you'd rather study?"

He shrugs. "I was thinking your place."

I fight hard to keep down a smile. He wants to come over, to my place. It's a terrible idea. It's a terrible terrible idea. We'll only get into things at my place. Bad things. Things I'm not supposed to want. Things I swore I'd never let myself feel. What is it about him that makes me question it all?

"YangYang and Jaehyun are over there right now."

"Oh," Jaemin says, slouching and sounding disappointed.

This time I smile and I can't help it. "We could go to the library? Maybe Starbucks if you can focus there?"

He stares at me for half a second and clears his throat. "No, that's okay. Here is fine."

Jaemin's eyes settle on something behind me and harden. I look back and find Johnny staring at our conversation, a big gaping smile on his face. He opens his mouth to say something when Jaemin cuts him off.

"We can go upstairs to my room."

I nod and carry my things upstairs to his room. Just like last time, it's clean; and smells of him. He jumps up onto his bed and pats the spot next to him. I cautiously join him on the bed, but I leave some space between us. As I pull my legs up and sit criss-cross, I open my books, jumping right into what he needs to learn.

* * *

Two days later, I feel like I've made no progress.

"Come on Jaemin, we've been over this, it's not that hard."

I'm in my same spot but Jaemin's lying down in his bed, his feet crossed at the ankles. He still has no shirt on, one arm is behind his head nonchalantly, and the other is throwing a baseball up in the air a few feet and catching it on its way down.

He shrugs.

"You have to actually try if you want to pass."

"I'm sorry. My attention just doesn't hold for very long."

"I made you an appointment with my brother's pharmacist" I blurt out.

He stops throwing the ball and sighs. "I didn't ask you to do that."

"I know, I wanted to."

"Yeah well, I didn't want you to."

"Jaemin, it's nothing to be ashamed of–"

"I'm not ashamed of it Renjun."

"Why don't you ever want to talk about it then?"

"Because I don't want to."

"That's sad."

"It's not sad, it's routine."

He begins tossing the ball again. "Thanks for the effort, but I don't need help."

I slam my textbook shut. "Damn it, Jaemin–"

"What? What do you want me to do Renjun? My brain just doesn't work like yours."

"It would if you just tried."

"I am trying."

Before he can throw the ball in the air again, I snatch it from his hand. "This is trying?"

He shrugs, reaching out for the ball. I hold it away from him. "Sit up, put on a shirt, and pay attention."

"Renjun," he groans. He sits up and runs a hand over his face. "Maybe we should stop. I had a long practice and I'm tired, it's late, you should probably get going. We can pick up tomorrow."

"Not until you answer the question."

His brows furrow in confusion. "What question?"

My hands clench to fists at my side and he notices. "I told you it was impossible to tutor me."

He grabs the ball from my hand and lies back down, tossing it.

I roll my eyes. I spend a minute searching for some studying techniques to use that will help him. I can only think of one thing. And it's not even a study technique. It's my subconscious setting me up for a disaster.

"If you get the question right, you get a kiss."

Once again, he stops tossing the ball. This time though, he sits up.

"For real?" he asks, squinting at me suspiciously.

I nod before I can back down. At least I've got his attention now.

I look down at the test study guide. "During the summer of 1812, Napoleon launched an invasion on what country?"

I can see the wheels in his mind trying to turn. He touches his forehead with his hand. "Um, France?"

"No," I say, a bit harshly. "Russia."

"Ask me another one."

I sigh and search for another question. "Which battle was Napoleon ultimately defeated at?"

He groans. "I don't know...uhhh...Battle of Leipzig?"

I smile and he looks up at me, licking his lips. "Did I get it right?"

"No," I respond. "But, Napoleon did lose the Battle of Leipzig, so it's a step in the right direction. The correct answer is the Battle of Waterloo."

"Waterloo," he mouths. "Okay, another."

"What type of reforms did Napoleon bring to the territories that he conquered?"

He shakes his head. "I have no idea."

I flip through for another one and he sighs. "This is pointless Renjun. I'm not actually going to hold you to the stupid idea. It's like I said, I'm just stupid."

My cheeks heat in anger and I snap. "Don't call yourself that!"

"I–"

"No, you know what? You're going to the damn pharmacist, I don't care if I have to drag you myself. You're going and it's going to make a world of difference and then you're going to focus, and study, and get a passing grade. You know why? Because you're not stupid. Stupid would be refusing to go see the person who can help you."

I grab up my books and he stands up quickly.

"Jun, I'm sorry, don't leave," he says. His voice makes my insides melt and I clutch my books tighter, hoping they'll somehow act as the walls that he's knocking down more and more every day.

I look up at him and release a deep breath. "Please go Jaemin. Promise me you'll go."

"I'll go, just...don't be pissed."

"I'm only pissed when you call yourself stupid."

"I won't say it anymore."

"It's not just saying it Jaemin. I don't want you to think it. It's not true."

"Okay," he pushes a piece of hair behind my ear. "From now on I'm smart."

I nod and he pulls his hand away.

"Call me when you're really ready to ace this test, okay?"


	8. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

I'm perfectly willing to admit that I fucked up. I should've listened to him from the start. It's not even been a week, and this medication is already working wonders. Who knew a tiny white pill could sharpen my senses to everything. Being on ice always has my full attention at all times, so the medication didn't change my hockey performance. School however...holy shit. It's a world of difference. It's like I can finally hear my professor. Their words are no longer background noises in my head. But there is a problem. I'm a stubborn asshole and it took me too long to realize I needed help. And now, I have a week till the test. The good news is I've been cramming in studying every chance I have. I hope Renjun's impressed.

Class today got canceled and I can't wait any longer so I go to the courthouse, hoping to surprise him.

The courtroom's pretty empty when I get there. Renjun's sitting next to his client at a table facing the stand. The guy I saw before, his partner, the one he called San sits next to him.

He whispers into his ear and he giggles softly. Jealousy clouds my eyes and I stare daggers into the back of his head. Once there's a witness on the stand, the guy stands up and walks over, beginning the questioning. I don't really hear what's going on because I'm staring at Renjun. God, he's so beautiful. He's wearing black-framed glasses and he must have straightened his hair because it's shiny and looks silky. All I can think about is how adorable he is.

Come on, Na. Now's not the time.

I take a deep breath and try to clear my thoughts. It's no use. I can't get him out of my head, out of my sight. Before I know it, the judge is banging the little hammer thing and saying, "We will continue at three o'clock on Thursday. The courtroom is adjourned."

I stand up and roll up my sleeves. As they're getting up and leaving, his partner rests his hand on Renjun's lower back and once again a huge fucking cloud of jealousy and rage storms in my mind.

Yes, it can wait. I sigh and an arrogant smirk comes across San's face.

_ No. It can't wait. _

Then I look over and see his client. The poor girl looks like a college freshman. I heard the word rape at some point during the trial. Jesus, Jaemin.

"Yeah. It can wait. Just come over to my place once it's all done okay?"

He nods and I glance at San's hand. Still on his back. I lean in and kiss his cheek, a small marking to both Renjun and San of what I want. Him.

* * *

When there's a knock at the door, I jump up from the couch, drawing the attention of my roommates.

"Well, we all know who that is," Johnny chuckles.

"I don't want to hear it," I warn. The other guys chuckle knowingly.

"Best behavior, please. This is important."

Yikes. Bad wording. I'm never going to hear the end of it. Sure enough, my roommates have gone back to second grade.

"Oooh, Jaemin has a cruuuush!"

I roll my eyes when they start singing. "Jaemin and Renjun sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!"

I flip them off which only grows more laughter, hoots, and whistles. I open the door to find a tired-looking Renjun on the other side.

"Are you okay?"

He nods. "I'm fine. I'm just a little worn out from the trial."

The boys stop all teasing when they hear that. I can feel them watching our conversation.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Renjun–"

"Jaemin, I'm okay. Please stop asking."

I open the door wide realizing I haven't invited him in yet. "Come on in."

He comes in and waves to the boys. "Hey, guys," he greets softly.

"Do you want a drink?" I offer.

He shakes his head no.

"Okay then, you can head up to my room, I'll meet you there in a minute."

He nods and heads upstairs. I look around at my teammates.

"Best behavior," I say again. They all nod and then Johnny says, "Tell you what. We're gonna head out right now, give you guys some privacy."

I go upstairs and head into my bedroom shutting the door behind me.

His eyes flicker to the door.

"Do you want me to leave it open?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No, it's alright."

"The guys are leaving right now."

I can see the wheels of his mind turning. Alone in my room, in the house, with the door closed. I don't know what's up with him today, ever since the courthouse, he has seemed so anxious.

"So, what's up?" He asks, sitting down on my bed.

"I wanted to talk about the pharmacist."

"Oh yeah?" His eyes light up. "How'd it go?"

"Renjun, it went...it went great. I can't believe it. You were right."

He smiles, not smugly, but in a way that shows that he's happy for me.

"I've been studying a lot" I add. "I think I've got everything up to the Russian Revolution."

"Jaemin that's great! I can work with that. We'll just study extra hard this week and then you'll be going home with an A on your exam."

_ Kiss him.  _ My brain and heart are in agreement on this one. He just looks so cute and sexy at the same time. And he's excited to be teaching me. He's happy to see me improve. Is this what a healthy relationship feels like? Feeding off each other's motivations, each other's victories? Renjun makes me excited for myself.

"I have a big game this weekend, practice every day this week."

"I'll have to talk to San about the trial's schedule this week so I can work to your schedule."

"Okay but, I have a request."

"Yeah?"

"Can we start studying at your place? I still find my house a little distracting with all the guys around."

I smirk to myself. It doesn't really matter how distracting the hub is. His place is going to distract me from other things. Things I shouldn't be thinking about.

"Maybe. YangYang and Jaehyun have kinda claimed it as their territory. I think it's the only place they feel safe from Hendery."

"Oh, okay," I reply, trying not to seem disappointed. I'm totally going to have to talk to Jaehyun.

"But, um," he starts, his fingers pushing hair behind his ear nervously. "Since we're talking about requests, I have one."

"Go ahead," I smile.

"Can you...can you not come to the courthouse anymore?"

I feel my face change expressions in confusion.

"It's just, I like to keep my personal life and professional life separate."

"Oh...alright," I shrug. "Sorry, I probably should have called, I was just...excited to talk to you."

He smiles. "That's alright. I'm glad you're excited, I am too. Do you want to start right now?"

"What, studying?"

"I have my stuff in my car."

"Alright then, let's go for it.

* * *

The test was easy. Seriously. I cranked it out so quickly, I surprised myself. Renjun and I spend that week studying like crazy, spending hours at the library before my practice, after his trial. I don't really believe his excuse for not wanting me at the courthouse, but whatever the real reason is, it's obviously important to him, so I accept his excuse and stay out of his professional business.

Even after spending a week non-stop cramming for the exam, there were still some gray areas for me. Luckily, the professor gave the easiest version of the test, and I flew through it.

"How do you think you did?" Renjun asks me on our way out of class. I think back to class, back to the last question.

"I don't know, I think I missed one," I say with a smirk.

He blushes, but I see him smiling to himself. Thank god I put down the wrong answer for that last question. It's getting harder to refrain from kissing this boy, and I'm hoping a date will give me a legitimate excuse to finally get my lips on his.

"How about you?" I ask.

"I might have missed a few but I'm pretty confident."

I rub my hands together excitedly. "I can't wait to see the results."

He laughs and his eyes light up.

"So, you have a game this weekend?"

"That I do, you wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'd like to do something besides study and cross-examine," he says, laughing lightly.

"Alright. I'll text you the information."

I wave goodbye to him and head to my car as he heads to his own way. I can hardly wait for class tomorrow.

* * *

Our professor passes out the scantrons at the end of the class. I only get a chance to look at mine as I'm walking out the door with Renjun. As we head outside the building, he pulls on his coat, shoving his hands into the pockets. I can see the puff of his breath in the freezing air.

"So how'd you do?" He asks.

I look down at my scantron. "100%!" I lie, testing for his reaction.

"Jaemin that's great!" He says, hugging me quickly, happy for me. And then a second later his face falls. He wants the date. Thank god.

"Oh wait. There's a little red mark right here. Huh, I guess I missed one."

He looks at me suspiciously and I show him the scantron. When his eyes land on the red mark he smiles. He tries to hold it back but he can't, and neither can I.

"Does that mean..."

"Yes, it does. I'm taking you on a date."

"When?" He asks, still smiling.

"Tonight. Dress warm, I'll pick you up at 7."

He nods and hugs me once more before we go our separate ways.

* * *

"Hi," Renjun says, sliding into the car. "You look nice."

I'm wearing the same jeans as earlier and a long sleeve black shirt under my hockey jersey. Renjun's wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a Northeastern sweater.

"So do you."

He blushes and lets his head fall as he plays with his fingers nervously.

"So where are we going?" He asks.

"It's a surprise. But I do need to know your shoe size."

His eyebrows pinch together in confusion as he looks down at his pink converse. "I'm seven, but why–"

"Shhh. No questions."

He smiles and we ride the rest of the way in silence. Usually, I'd be perfectly fine with it, but he's giving off a super nervous vibe and it's rubbing off on me.

"You don't have to be so nervous," I say, trying to comfort him. "I'm not going to pressure you into anything."

"I know," he looks over at me. "I just haven't really been on a date in a long time."

"That's okay. We're just going to hang out. No pressure."

"Okay," he says quietly.

His nerves calm, but they certainly don't disappear. I begin to wonder how challenging it was for him to actually show for this. Does he want to be here?

"I'm just excited, that's all," he says, settling my worries.

"Good. I'm going to make your night princess."


	9. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

Thank god I have YangYang. I was about one minute away from bailing on Jaemin. If it wasn't for him pushing me out the door, I'd be home wallowing in self-pity.

It's just that, it all feels like too much. I've officially crossed my oath. I'm letting myself get attached. I'm letting someone like me, and I'm liking them back. But something is missing. This huge part of me, this chunk that makes up a huge portion of my life, that has controlled my actions, my thoughts, my decisions. He needs to know. I know that he needs to know. And that's why I almost bailed. Because the thought of telling him scares me shitless. I'm terrified of his reaction. It's the whole reason why I promised myself I'd stay away from relationships. Telling someone allows them the power to break you. And after Lee Jeno, I don't think I can take anyone else breaking me. But there is I something can't deny.

I like Jaemin.

He makes me feel...things. Things I'm not used to. Good—no, wonderful things. Things that make life worth living for. I want more. I want it all. I want it with him. And I think that's another reason why I'm so scared. I'm not just letting myself get attached. I'm giving myself the possibility of failing.

I planned on telling him. I really did. But then we were in the car and there was no good time to tell him. The fear got to me. I'll just enjoy this date, and then I'll tell him the next time I see him.

As the car rolls to a stop, I look out the window, unbuckling my seat belt.

"Is that the hockey stadium?" I ask.

He nods and I grab the car handle but he stops me.

"Wait, let me get it."

He unbuckled and rushes around to my side opening the door. As soon as I step out, he grabs my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while," he says.

I tilt my head down and laugh uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

I lift my head up. "Nothing. It's just that...you're so smooth with all of this. And you're so charming and I'm just..."

He chuckles and pushes a piece of hair behind my ear. He leans forward and my breathing turns sharp immediately.

"You're beautiful," he whispers in my ear. "And tonight you're all mine."

I blush and he takes a small bite out of my earlobe, causing me to giggle. I can't believe it. Since when do I giggle?

"Come on," he tugs on my hand, urging me towards the stadium.

"Isn't it closed right now?" I wonder.

He shakes his head. "I have a key. Co-captain privilege."

I'm wondering if we're allowed to be here when he adds, "I'm allowed to use it whenever I want."

I relax and let him open the door for me. As we head inside, he drops my hand to find the light switch. He flicks on the lights to just the ice rink, and not the seats surrounding it. The ice is in the spotlight.

"So what's the plan?" I ask. "You gonna show me some of your hockey skills?"

"No," he chuckles. "We're just going to skate."

"We?"

"Yeah. Do you know how?"

"I used to when I was younger. I don't know if I still can, it's been a while."

"You'll be fine," he replies, pulling me toward the racks of ice skates. "It's like riding a bike. You never forget."

He jumps the counter and pulls down a pair of skates size seven. Then he pulls down a pair for himself. We lace up and half walk, half waddle our way to the door.

"Ready?" He asks.

I nod, nervously and he opens the door. He slides out onto the ice effortlessly and holds his hand out. I take it, cautiously, and he pulls me the rest of the way. I'm a bit wobbly at first, but Jaemin's right, my legs know what they're doing. The years of ice skating lessons come back to me, and I smile, remembering how many times I used to fall.

I lace my fingers through Jaemin's, and he tugs me a little closer as we skate along. His skill next to mine is obvious as he goes slow for me. It makes me smile and I think for the first time I'm realizing the good soul that is Na Jaemin.

"Tell me about your childhood," I say.

He smiles at me. "It was mostly happy. Mom and dad are good people, they helped me through school. I did sports, but hockey is the only one that really stuck."

I smile, letting my mind fill in what young Jaemin must have looked like.

"High school was pretty standard," he continues. "My grades were shit, but I got in here on a full ride through hockey. I had a boyfriend, but you already know that story, and the rest is history."

"No siblings?"

"It's just me."

"What are your parents like?" I ask as we complete our circle. Jaemin begins to skate us towards the center of the rink.

"They're good people. Have lots of love. My mom makes the best damn lasagna, and my dad's a real softie. He looks intimidating, but he's all about barbecue and hockey. They're happy. I was happy with them."

I hum and smile contently. This is a story and a part of Jaemin that I never knew.

"So how about you? What's your brother like?"

"Xuxi? He's great. He practically raised me 'cause my parents were often busy. You know, when we moved to college, I was scared that we would lose contact but it did the exact opposite. We became even closer, even when he met his boyfriend Ten, he was always there for me."

"What do your parents do?"

"Well my dad's an accountant, and my mom works as a driver's ed teacher."

"Happy family?"

I shrug. "We had our ups and downs. Sometimes money was tight, but for the most part yeah, we were happy."  _ If you don't include those years. _

"I wish I knew you when I was in high school," Jaemin says, as we reach the center of the rink. "You would have been good for me."

"No," I laugh lightly. "I would have been very bad for you."

"Ooh," he turns his skates suddenly, pulling to a sharp turn in front of me. I can't stop in time and I knock into him, but it barely even moves him backward.

"Sorry," I murmur, peeling myself off his hard chest.

"Huang Renjun, were you a badass in high school?"

I punch his shoulder playfully. "Hey! I'm a badass now, thank you very much."

He chuckles. "Okay, sure, but now I have to know; did high school Renjun live life on the edge?"

"No," I laugh at the idea. In my humor, the words just come tumbling out of me. "High school Renjun was depressed."

His head tilts to the side as the smile disappears off his face. "Really?"

I gulp loudly and give a one curt nod, wanting the conversation to be over at that. I start to slide backwards to skate around when Jaemin grabs my arm. He pushes up the sleeve to my sweater until it's above my elbow.

"Is that what this is from?" he asks. His eyes are staring at the scar on the inside of my elbow. His thumb brushes over it, back and forth, and I'm lost in the gesture until he looks up at me. I realize he's waiting for an answer.

"I'm surprised you remember it," I laugh lightly, trying to play it off. "But no, clumsy teen, remember?"

His eyes flicker from me to the scab and my arm suddenly burns at his contact. He smiles lightly but something in his eyes tells me he knows I'm lying. It's those eyes. They suck me in and somehow reveal all my secrets. I pull away from him gently and begin to move in the opposite direction. I need to get away from him for half a second. Being near him makes my mind hazy. He zooms around the rink, finally freeing himself from my slow pace. He meets me in the middle and grabs my hand, spinning me around. I laugh and look down at the little circle now engraved in the ice.

"So you used to skate?" Jaemin asks.

I nod.

"And your brother's a hockey fan?"

I nod again, smiling. I know where he's going with this.

"But if I remember correctly when we first met–"

I interrupt him when I break out in a giggle. "Oh my god," I laugh.

He chuckles and spins me again, but this time he pulls me into his chest once I've turned a full circle.

"You said you were more of a baseball fan," he whispers in my ear.

His breath tickles against my ear and I shiver a little.

"And," he continues, continuing his whisper. "If I recall, you said you didn't know what the NHL was."

I pull away from him a little so he can see the truth in my eyes. "Okay...at the time...I was a little thrown off by your confidence. So I...I may have bent the truth a little to try to shake you off..." I cringe at the words but he just laughs.

"Sure didn't work, huh?"

I laugh and shake my head. "Apparently not."

He takes my hand and pulls me along to start skating the rink with him again.

"I think it's cute how nervous you are," he says. "And I can't believe it because you're so confident in your career."

I feel a little heat rising up in my cheeks. I didn't realize my nerves were that obvious.

"Well, my career is different. I was in law school for years. I studied my ass off, and I passed the bar exam. I know what I'm doing there, but here..." I trail off and clear my throat. "I haven't been on a date in a while..." I add, trying to defend myself.

"Yeah, I don't buy it," he responds quickly. "That's the same thing you said when I was fixing your car but..."

"But what?" I ask, a little annoyed.

"But...look at you," he pulls back a little and looks me up and down in admiration. It makes me uncomfortable. His gaze reveals my secrets and the attention makes my skin crawl.

"There's no way you haven't gotten offers."

I shrug. "I just haven't."

He squints at me and I shrug again.

"Okay then..." he says, still suspicious. "When was your last date?"

"High school. I think it was freshman year?" I try to think back but it's hard. I blocked out most of high scool because of my 'incident'.

"Did it get serious?" He asks.

"Well, at the time I thought so. Looking back on it now, it was just puppy love.

"Hmm."

We slide around for a while in comfortable silence and then Jaemin asks in a sudden.

"Was he your first?"

I look over at him and he shakes his head. "Sorry," he backtracks. "You don't have to answer that. It's a little personal."

"No, it's okay."  _ I want to tell you.  _ What? I want to tell him? What is it about him?

"He wasn't."

And then the realization hits me. I told him my last relationship was with this guy, and now I've told him that we didn't have sex. Oh god, he's going to think I'm a virgin. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I should just let him think I'm a virgin. Oh no. My mouth's opening and before I can stop myself the words are spilling out.

"I mean, I'm not a virgin or anything. It's just wasn't with him."

Jaemin looks over at me a little confused. "But I thought you weren't in any relationships?"

"I wasn't," I shrug.

I see something in his eyes and it hurts me immediately. It's not judgment, although that wouldn't surprise me either. He's probably assuming my first time was some drunk sleazy moment. If only. No, the look I see is so much worse. It's pity. Sympathy. He feels bad for me.

"That's too bad," he says softly. "That first time's supposed to be special."

For a moment I start tearing up. I can't help it. Here he is, being the sweetest guy. Talking about how your first time's supposed to be special, and mine was about as far from special as you could possibly get. I wish it was special. I wish my first time could've been with Jaemin. Not taken from me. Not with Lee Jeno.

"Was yours?" I ask. When he looks over at me confused I clear my throat to clarify. "Special, I mean. Was your first time special?"

"Yeah, I guess. That stuff isn't really important to me though."

"What do you mean?"

"Sex," he shrugs like it's no big deal.

Part of me wants to interrogate him on this. How can sex not be important? It's huge! It's putting your complete trust in someone. It's loving them. It's caring for them and their needs while they do the same for you. At least...that's what...that's what I thought it's supposed to be. I struggle with my words and eventually decide to just drop it. It's a little weird talking about sex on our first date. And I don't want to think about sex. I don't want to talk about it, argue it, debate it, or agree on it. I'd rather just not think about it at all.

"So why'd you choose hockey as your sport?" I question, changing the subject.

"Well, it's the only sport where I could hit people and get away with it."

"No boxing?"

He snorts a laugh. "No. I left the face bashing to Jaehyun."

"You've known him for a while."

He nods. "He's like my brother. We were tight growing up."

"What about Johnny?" I ask.

"Johnny likes you a little too much for me to be comfortable with," he responds. "I think it's the law stuff. He won't shut up about it."

I can't help myself and I begin laughing at his irritation.

"What? It's true!" He exclaims, defending himself. "He almost asked you out that day you came by the stadium. I almost punched him."

"Aww, how sweet," I laugh sarcastically.

"Hey it's no joke," he chuckles softly. "I had eyes for you then. And I still do."

Okay, I give credit where credit's due. That was sweet.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about him Jaemin," I pause for a moment and then continue. "I've only got eyes for one big stubborn hockey player."

"Oh god. You've got eyes for Hendery?!" He jokes.

I push him playfully. "No silly. You, I've only got eyes for you."

As soon as the words leave my mouth I'm completely embarrassed by them. I can't believe I just said that. Oh god.

"That was cheesy," I say nervously. "Sorry."

"Don't be," he's smiling at me like I just shot his ego off the charts. Oh god. I touch my forehead and allow my cheeks to turn pink. I really need to start thinking about what I say when I'm around him.

"It's getting late, we should probably get going," I say softly, not really wanting to end the date.

"Okay," he says softly. We skate to the exit and Jaemin helps me out onto solid ground again. And then we change into our regular shoes and leave, leaving the magic behind in the rink.

* * *

Jaemin rolls to a stop in front of my apartment complex. "I had a really good time tonight," he says.

I nod slowly and bite my lip. I want to smile but I can't. My heart's arguing with my brain again and the only thing I can decide on is that I'm not happy the night's coming to an end.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, touching my hand.

I shake my head and laugh without humor.

"It's nothing."

His hand slides up my arm until it touches my cheek. The contact breaks any protection I had up and I break under his touch. I lean my head against the headrest, turning towards him.

"You couldn't have missed just one more question?" I say lightly, although I'm not really joking.

He chuckles and brushes his thumb across my cheek.

"Can I tell you something?" he asks, leaning forward.

I breathe heavily and nod. He drops his hand from my cheek and I immediately long for the contact to return.

"I knew the answer to the problem I missed. I put the wrong answer on purpose."

"No way."

"Yeah, really."

I smile and laugh lightly.

"Hey," he whispers. "Guess what?"

I lean forward, closing more distance between us. His hand lands on my leg and brushes soothingly across my knee.

"What?"

"I'm going to kiss you now."

I shake my head. "You can't."

His brows furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"

"I don't kiss on first dates."

"You're gonna make me wait, Huang?" He teases, his hand squeezing lightly.

I laugh and nod. "I'm gonna make you wait."

He sighs contently and shuts his eyes, resting his forehead against mine. "I'm confident in my ability to play the long game."

"Good," I reply, pecking the corner of his lips.

"Nobody likes a tease," he growls.

I giggle and unbuckle my seatbelt. "I should go before we get caught up in something."

"Yeah," he agrees. "But I want to see you again."


	10. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

"Jaemin, I want to talk to you. Where are you?"

Renjun's voice rings through my phone and I freeze for a moment, worried by the question.

"I'm heading to practice. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine! I just wanted to tell you something exciting."

I release a sigh and continue to my car.

"You can come to practice if you want."

"I think I might. Wait for me afterward?"

"'Course," Jesus fuck, I'm smiling like an idiot. Sometimes Renjun makes me feel like a teenager again. He's like some sorcerer, controlling my emotions and inserting himself in my thoughts all the time.

When coach yells for us to hit the showers, I begin skating towards the door to exit the rink. However, to my surprise, I find Renjun there, waiting for me, with ice skates on his feet. Once all my teammates are gone in the lockers, he steps into the rink and skates over to me immediately. He jumps up onto me, squealing and wrapping his legs around my waist.

"Woah there," I chuckle.

He laughs and hugs me tightly.

"Well, this is a nice hello," I say, smiling contently and wrapping my arms around his waist.

He giggles and pulls away, blushing. "Sorry, I'm excited."

He pulls himself off of me and his skates find the ice again. I frown a little, sad to have lost the close contact.

"What are you excited about?" I ask, my hand grabbing his.

"Guess who got to question a witness today, and did a totally amazing job?"

"Really? Renjun that's–"

He places his finger against my lips, quieting me.

"And," he continues. "Guess who gets to do the closing statements?!"

I feel surprise sprawl across my face and Renjun lets out a happy little squeal as he drops my hand and does a twirl on the ice. He doesn't quite time it correctly and the momentum of his spin spends his back into my chest. I chuckle as he peels himself off of me. I love seeing him like this, giddy with happiness. As soon as he's pulled away from me, my arm is encircling his waist and pulling him back in. I pull his body against mine until our toes and our lower halves are plastered together.

"That is absolutely fantastic Huang," I whisper, just inches away from those lips.

"Thank you, Na."

"Am I correct in assuming this is the time for a congratulations kiss?"

He smiles, biting his lip. "I think I deserve it, yeah?"

"Absolutely," I respond closing the space between us. Just before my lips land on his, he presses that same finger against my lips.

"Not yet," he whispers.

I groan and nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck.

"You're trying to kill me Renjun."

"No," he laughs. "I just don't want to rush it."

I stand up straight and pull away from him to stop torturing myself. I grab his hand and pull him along to skate next to me.

"So when are you going to let me kiss you?" I ask.

Renjun bites his lips and shrugs. "That depends."

"On what?"

"On...the moment."

"Ahh, I see. Hopeless romantic here."

He bumps me in the side. "There's nothing wrong with wanting a moment."

"Alright how about th–" I turn in front of him, cutting him off. He can't stop his momentum and bumps into me.

"You've gotta stop doing that," he laughs.

I chuckle and grab his hands. "Tonight. Movie and dinner?"

He chews on his lip. "What time will you have me home?"

"Before midnight Cinderella," I tease.

He rolls his eyes. "Okay, but I can't be out later than midnight. I have to be at the courthouse bright and early tomorrow morning."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."

He smiles at me and oh fuck. Those lips.

"You better get out of here before I kiss you and spoil your moment."

He skates away from me laughing, I head after him, chasing him around a little.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," he giggles, stepping out of the rink.

As he takes off his skates I step out of the rink myself.

"Come over to my place at 6?"

He nods biting his lip. "Alright. I'll see you then," he waves a little goodbye and I head to the showers.

* * *

"So what movie are we going to watch?" Renjun asks, sitting by the counter.

"I dunno."

He glances behind him at the big flat screen in the living area and walks over to the television.

"Just scroll through the available ones," I call over.

He kneels beside the television and turns it on and scrolls through the available films. He scrolled through it for a long time, looking disappointed. I head over next to him.

"Nothing you like?"

He shrugs. "They're all horror."

"They're not all horror."

He looks over at me squinting and I shrug. A movie catches my eye and I open it up.

"This one is really good. It had a twist at the end."

He looks at it suspiciously. "I don't know Jaemin. It says Horror Thriller."

"It's not too bad, I promise. And I've seen it before, I can tell you all the parts where you can cover your eyes."

He chews on the inside of his lip and then nods. I clicked the movie open and as it starts I call in dinner. Unfortunately, the restaurant's packed so it's going to take them a while to get our food delivered. I flop down next to Renjun on the couch and rest my arm over his shoulder. I notice my fingers beginning to scratch lightly at his shoulder and he moves closer into my side. I've seen this movie a million times before so I know the entire introduction and I get lost in it. Once the movie starts moving along it becomes eerie and I have to whisper in Renjun's ear. "There's a pop-out soon."

He buries his head into my side and I chuckle. Even though he's not watching, he still jumps slightly when the creatures pop out and so I run my fingers over his shoulder soothingly. When he peeks back out, the creature pops out again and this time he jumps up off the couch.

"Jaemin!" He scolds.

I pause the movie and hop up to stand in front of him.

"Sorry, I forgot about that one."

He sighs and rests his forehead against my chest. "Can we please watch something else?"

"Sure. Let me see what's on-demand, okay?"

He nods against me. I grab up the remote and scrolled through the movies. Then I choose a sappy romance.

"Okay. There you go."

He turns around and sighs in happiness as Pride and Prejudice turns on. The doorbell rings and I grab the food, returning to the couch. Renjun already looks engulfed in the movie but I'm more interested in food. I grab a slice of pizza and he takes some, too, but never takes his eyes off the television. I can't even pay attention for an hour before becoming bored.

I begin squirming from boredom, especially with Renjun next to me giving off pheromones. Eventually, I can't help it anymore and I begin nuzzling my nose behind his ear.

"Jaemin," he giggles. "Watch the movie."

I growl and take a bite out of his earlobe.

"It's lame."

"No, it's good, you're just bored."

"True," I sigh. "But..." I begin kissing down his neck. "This isn't boring, is it?"

"Jaemin–"

I know his intention is to stop me but I'm relentless in my mission. He ends up shutting his eyes as I take advantage of his neck.

"When can I kiss you?"

"Not yet," he breaths. "Soon."

"Why not now?" I complain.

"Because it's only our second date."

I groan and pull away, letting him continue the movie. I flop down, resting my head at the end of the couch, and Renjun follows so I'm spooning him. After a long practice, I'm exhausted and I doze off with him in my arms.

* * *

The next morning, when I wake up, Renjun's gone. There's a note next to me reading,  _ I'll call you :) _

I rub my eyes and sit up. Johnny makes himself known immediately.

"Better get ready. We have practice in like twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes?!" I spring up from the couch and run upstairs to get ready.

"Long practice today, huh?" Hendery huffs next to me as we like up for our next drill.

"Yeah, no kidding. I guess it's because we play tomorrow."

"Even so, it's been what, five hours?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm losing steam."

"Are you and Renjun studying tonight?"

"No, the midterm's over, he's not tutoring me anymore. Why do you ask?"

He shrugs. "YangYang said he was hanging with Renjun tonight, I just wanted to check."

"You're snooping behind your brother's back?"

He glances over at Jaehyun who's currently on defense and I scoff.

"Dude, would you let it go already? He likes him."

Hendery's eyes flicker to mine in irritation. "I don't expect you to understand, you're not an older brother."

"Oh come on man, Jaehyun's crazy about him, and YangYang seems happy."

Hendery sighs heavily and then small smirk forms on his lips. He chuckles deeply.

"What?" I ask.

He laughs. "You think I'm overprotective, wait until you meet Xuxi."

Xuxi? Why does that name sound familiar...

"You'd better hope Renjun's brother doesn't rip off your balls the first time you meet."

Fuck.

Hendery's up to take on the drill and I try to prepare myself since I'm up next. I cringe thinking Renjun's brother and the potential pain he can inflict on me.

Once Hendery finishes the drill I skate forward and one of my teammates slides me the puck. My mind can't straighten out and I'm all over the place, fucking up a perfectly simple drill. It doesn't help that I can hear Hendery chuckling to the side and once I stumble my way out of the drill coach is glaring at me.

"For god's sake Na! Focus!" He yells.

"Yes, coach," I mumble loosely.

"Alright, I'm calling it!" He yells. "That's enough for today! Go home and rest boys!"

Coach heads up to his office while we all put the equipment away. As we shuffle out of the rink, his voice dellows down to us.

"Na!" He yells. My head swivels up to his office at the top of the stadium. "I want to see you in my office!"

"Yes, coach," I mumble, fear spreading through me. Hendery slaps me on the back, trying to give me comfort. The guys all take off and I head up to his office.

"You wanted to see me?" I ask.

"Take a seat," he says, pointing to the chair in front of his desk. I'd really rather stand but I do as he says anyways.

"What's this about?" I ask.

He looks over at me and pulls his glasses off. "This is about your GPA."

I release a heavy breath, relieved.

"Na," he starts. "Either you're a very best cheater, or, that boy of yours has found a way to straighten you out."

Leave it to coach to investigate your life.

"Yes sir, he's just about the best tutor I've ever had," I respond, smiling at the thought of him.

"Well son, while I appreciate what he's done for your benefit...try and make sure his name doesn't harm yours. We can't have that kind of connection being made with the team."

His name? Connection?

"Sir? I don't follow."

He looks at me and sighs. "Yes, I suppose he'd want to keep that hidden from you."

I stand up from the chair. This is getting serious.

"What's going on?" I ask.

He looks me over in concern.

"I think you should find out yourself. But your boy, he has a history with the justice system. If I were you, I'd do a little digging."

"With all due respect Sir, I won't do any digging. It's common knowledge that he's a lawyer, he's on the Hwang's case."

"Look son," he sighs deeply. "It's not my place to tell you, but that boy–"

"Renjun," I correct, becoming irritated.

"Yes, Renjun, he has a troubled past."

"So? We all have shit from our past. He doesn't have to tell me anything if it makes him uncomfortable."

He rubs his hands over his face.

"Just...watch out for that one. That's all I'm saying."

My jaw clenches and make my way towards the door.

"Is that all?" I ask.

"Yes, that's all. Keep up the good work in scool."

And with that, I'm gone.

* * *

I sit at the kitchen counter of the house with a beer in my hand. I take a long pull from it and set it down on the counter.

Johnny walks in and I rub my hands over my face.

"What's got you?" He asks, opening the fridge and pulling out a beer.

"Coach said something about Renjun..."

"Oh," Johnny responds quietly.

It's not the type of reaction I'd expect from him and my head snaps his way.

"You know something?"

He looks down at the ground, almost in shame. I stand up, my hand snatching the beer from his hand.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?"

"You want to know?"

"Well, apparently everyone else in the entire fucking world does."

He sighs. "I...I dunno if I should tell you, man. It's one of those personal things, you know?"

"No, I don't know!"

He grabs the edges of the counter. "I– I can't tell you, man. It's not my place. He's gotta be the one to tell you."

"Did he tell you?!"

"No, I found out when I was researching his case."

My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my pocket. It's Renjun. I let it ring. I settle back into the bar stool at the counter and finish my beer. It's not even enough to get me buzzed. My phone rings again and I answer it.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Hey Jaemin," Renjun's sweet voice ring through my phone, and I curse under my breath.

"What?" He asks.

"Nothing, sorry, I was just talking to myself. What's up?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner. I know you've been wanting to check out my place and YangYang and Jaehyun aren't staying here tonight."

"Okay," I say immediately, forgetting about the drama.

"I'm cooking, do you want to help?" He asks.

"Yeah sure, what are you making?"

"I was thinking of spaghetti? Is that okay?"

"That's perfect. I'm on my way right now."

"Okay, see you soon."

* * *

As I pull up to Renjun's apartment complex I release a deep breath. I don't need to worry about what other people are saying. Renjun will tell me whenever he's ready. It's not my place to go snooping without him.

Relationship requires trust.

I head up to his apartment and knock on the door.

"It's open," he yells from the inside.

I open the door and my sense of smell is immediately flooded with delicious pasta sauce.

"Oh, sweet baby Jesus it smells good."

"Can you stir this for a minute?" Renjun asks. "I have to drain the pasta."

I kick off my shoes and head into his kitchen. It's significantly smaller than mine, but I don't mind. It's cozier, and it makes me think home.

I take the wooden spoon from his hand and kiss his temple as he grabs the pasta and drains the water from it.

"Did you just get out of the shower?" He asks.

"Yeah, the practice ended late today. We play tomorrow."

He stands next to me and holds his hand out for the spoon.

"I can do it," I chuckle.

He laughs lightly and turns, heading towards the living area. He turns the television on and starts flipping channels.

"Oh, the game is on right now!" I announce, continuing to stir the sauce.

Renjun flips the channel and then heads back to the kitchen.

"Okay the sauce should be good now," he says.

He dumps the pasta into a big bowl and I turn the stove off. I empty the pan full of sauce over the pasta while Renjun grabs plates. There's this pressure in my chest, a good kind of pressure, when I think about our dynamics in the kitchen. I mix the pasta with the sauce and lean against the counter to watch the game. Renjun touches my arm, looking down at the pasta.

"Not bad," he smiles.

I chuckle. "Yeah, I've got some cooking skills."

This urge to kiss him is overwhelming. His hair is messy and he's wearing a loose t-shirt and some jeans. Just natural, relaxed, beautiful.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asks, smiling.

I shrug. "Just admiring my boyfriend."

He blushes furiously and turns back to the pasta.

"So um...how much do you want?"

I lean down, closing the space between us.

"How much are you willing to give out?" I ask tauntingly.

He smacks my arm lightly and pulls out a plate, slapping some pasta on it.

"Not much," he shoots back.

"Ooh, greedy are we?" I tease, tugging lightly on a piece of hair that fell out on his face.

He huffs his cheeks heating. I chuckle, loving the physical effect I have on him. I pull away and he hands me my plate. I kiss his cheek, and head over to the couch.

"You want a beer?" He asks.

"No, I'm good," I call back.

Renjun sits down next to me and hands me a fork. We both dig into our food and once we finish I stand up, heading over to the sink with my plate.

Renjun turns off the television.

"So," I start, "are we going to study?"

The smile slowly disappears from Renjun's face. "You want to...study?"

"Well, I mean, yeah, if you know, the offer's still on the table."

"What offer?"

"Kiss for every question I get right."

"Ooh. I see what you're doing here. Don't try and be sneaky."

"Renjun, you seem to misunderstand."

I roll up my sleeves and turn on the water to begin washing. Renjun comes over with his plate and grabs a few rags that are lying around on the counter.

When I finish with my plate, I hand it to him and he starts drying.

"Oh yeah? What exactly am I misunderstanding?"

"You see before the night's over, I'm going to kiss you. That's it. End of story. So the questions are simply limiting the amount I get."

He blushed and nods slowly. "Okay, well let me think of some good questions."

Once we're done with the dishes I dry my hands off and look over at Renjun. He's biting his lip nervously.

"Alright. What've you got for me?" I ask.

"Who was Russia's paranoid leader?"

"Stalin," I answer in a bat.

He starts backing up and I follow him. I hold up a finger.

"Okay, umm...umm..who was the person shot that started World War I?"

Once again without hesitation, I answer. "Franz Ferdinand."

Two fingers.

"Who was the dying man of Europe?"

"The Ottoman Empire."

Three fingers.

"Why?"

"Because they were losing land."

Four fingers.

"Come on Huang, challenge me."

He's still backing up. He knows the inevitable. I'm up to four kisses.

"What type of art is the palace of Versailles an example of?"

"Baroque."

Five fingers.

"Uh-oh," he says.

I laugh at his reaction.

"Yeah 'uh-oh' alright. You're mine," I practically growl, but he just laughs giddily and runs down the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?!" I yell playfully, chasing after him. I catch him before he can open the door to what I'm assuming is his room. Easily, I throw him over my shoulder, with a series of squeals. I open the door, walk inside and kick it shut. Then I dump him on the bed and climb over him. I trap him beneath my arms and despite the lust raging through me, I know I have to wait.

He looks nervous as hell looking up at me. He wants it too, I can feel it. But it's obvious that he's battling something else. I tuck some hair behind his ear.

"You okay?" I ask, trying to be gentle. He nods timidly and I lean in towards him. I press a kiss on the right side of his neck, and then another on the left side. And then I let my lips fall against his soft cheek, and again on the other side. And finally, I press a kiss to his forehead. Five.

"You're out of kisses," he says softly.

I nod my head slowly. "If you need time, I can wait."

As much as my brain and heart are in agreement on the words, my body has a mind of its own. And it is most certainly disagreeing.

Renjun shakes his head. "I want you to kiss me."

I groan and rest my forehead against his. "Be careful about what you're saying, I won't be able to control myself if you start that."

A mischievous sparkle ignites in his eyes. "Oh come on. The third date is usually when you have sex, and we haven't even kissed yet. I think it's about time, don't you?"

"You're trying to antagonize me into kissing you? Is that really the moment you want?"

"Screw moments. I just want you to kiss me."

"Fuck," I mumble.

"Please, Jaemin."

My eyes almost roll back in my head from the pain of not kissing him.

"Renjun...I want you so bad it hurts–"

"Then why are you still talking?"

He licks his lips. I grit my teeth to stop losing control.

"Because," I barely manage to grit out. "If I start, I don't know if I'll be able to stop."

His hands grip my shirt and he pulls me down.

"That's the point," he whispers. "What, do I need to beg? Please Jaemin, I–"

His words break the last thread of control I have. That's all I can take, and moment or not, I need to claim those lips. I close my eyes and my lips find his on their own.  _ Finally.  _ I savor the feeling of his cool lips on mine for a minute before delving deeper. I pull him apart with my lips, tongue, and teeth. When he moans against me, I damn near lose it. I break the kiss for a moment, shifting uncomfortably.

"Why'd you stop?" He complains, placing his hands around my neck and pulling me down again. I completely give in this time. Fuck. He feels so good underneath me and I just want more of him.

No. Wait.

I try and slow down the kisses but he'll have none of it. When he rolls his hips against mine, I groan. My fingers brush his ribs down to his waist until finally they slide under his shirt and find the warm skin of his waist. He tastes like chocolate and cherries and before I can process it, I hear myself saying, against his lips, "Fuck, you taste good."

He moans again and I almost attack him in a lust-driven frenzy. He kisses me just as much as I kiss him and when it becomes too much, I break it and press my lips down his warm neck. He gasps and sighs and the control that my subconscious is containing allows my hands to wander up higher on his body, but not high enough.

"You can if you want," he sighs. I shake my head, although my fingers twitch painfully at the permission he's given me.

"Not tonight. Not yet. Taking it slow remember?"

"Right."

Somehow this small bit of conversation calms us down. I kiss him again, but this time is slow, calculated. He doesn't rush me but instead returns the same kisses. It's become much more intimate. We're no longer driven by a storm of lust, clouding our judgment. This is something we both want and were willing to give each other. It's perfect. I break the kiss for a moment. Renjun's eyes slowly flutter open.

"When can I take you out again?" I ask.

"Whenever I'm not busy," he laughs.

I give him a peck on the lips and then peel myself from him.

"Come on," I hold out my hand for him to take. "We can't stay here, we'll only get into things."

Renjun nods and looks down at his watch. "You should probably get going anyways. You have game and I have court."

He takes my hand and we walk back downstairs. We walk to my car and before I get in, I press my lips against his once again. We break after a couple of seconds and I slide down into the seat.

"Hey, I want to ask you something..." I start, rolling my window down.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come to watch you do closing statements?"

He stares at me for a few seconds and then pulls his glance away, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Jaemin, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Come on JunJun, please. I really want to see it, it's a big accomplishment."

He releases a heavy sigh and taps his fingers against the car door.

"Okay...fine, but only closing statements, okay?"

I nod my head smiling. "Alright. I'll text you later."


	11. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

It is no easy task to write emotion. I sit at my desk and stare at a piece of paper until something comes to me. And then I just keep expanding and expanding on that thought until it's something I can work with. Something I can mold and shape into perfection.

How do you make someone emotional? A paper, a poem? A song, a speech? I don't get to choose how to make people emotional, or when for that matter.

It's difficult. I don't know any of these people. I don't know what they believe in politically, socially, or economically. All I know is that they've seen and heard all the evidence in this case. I know what I need to do. I need to make them feel. Again, no easy task. I have to find a base. Something that will affect all of them. This case is prosecuting on grounds of rape. If I appeal to feminism, I lose men. If I appeal to the evidence, I lose the women. The women need a story, the men need a shocker. Both need emotion.

This is it. The last piece of movement. The last thing they'll hear before deliberation. It has to be powerful. It has to be strong. It is absolutely crucial. And when it's all said and done, I have to stand up and I have to speak it, somehow more powerfully than when I wrote it.

* * *

"Alright Renjun, you're up," San whisper to me.

I look over at Yeji and give her a small smile and nod. I'm ready for this. I stand up from the table and walk towards the jury. This is it. The courtroom's quiet. I look out at the filled seats for a second. When my eyes find Jaemin, I smile. He nods at me, supporting me. Everyone else stares at me. The victims. The family. The supporters. And on the other side, the people who support the defendants. I look back at Yeji once more and she gives me an urging nod to begin. I release a deep breath, taking my time, and collecting my thoughts. I look at the jury, unease, and uncertainty filling all of their eyes. It's time to convince them. And so, I begin.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

When a lawyer gives closing statements, it is to finalize the evidence you have seen, the testimonies you have heard, and the case you have witnessed. It is to lock in your opinion, and hopefully, sway one of you who are still wary about which side is the right one.

I'm going to be frank with you all. My job, is to stand up here in front of all of you, and to change your perspective. My job is to make you see Ms. Hwang as the victim and Mr. Kim as the criminal. But if I find that when giving closing statements, to do it right, and I mean really right, I have to change your perspective in a different way. I have to change your point of view, from third person to first person.

I have to evoke pathos in all of you. Pathos – it's sympathy, emotion, pity. That's right. This has been a fair trial, but it's time to change it up. We're doing this differently. We're doing this the hard way. We're doing this the way that's not censored or politically correct. And I know that makes people uneasy, but what can I say? It's my job to force your hand.

I'm going to evoke this pity in all of you. I'm going to plant it, I'm going to give it a little help here, a little help there, and then that little seed, that tiny, unforgettable kernel of pathos is going to grow and consume all of you, until there's only one verdict you will be able to decide upon,

Guilty.

New perspective. I'm going to make each and every one of you Yeji. So that you're the victim. I'm taking away the right for you to be a third party, and I'm making you directly involved in the affair. And you've seen the horrors.

So this is how it played out:

You had a few drinks, you started to fool around, and then things got rough. You didn't like it, it made you uncomfortable, so you asked to slow things down. But, it triggered him.

He gets violent. Now you're scared.

He pushes you down. Now you're terrified.

You scream. He strangles you.

You panicked. You fight. He slaps you. He punches you. Calls you derogatory terms.

You're filled with fear. Fear. You had some drinks, agreed to a good time, and now,

You're afraid.

How is that acceptable? Now it's a matter of life and death. You're a young girl, you know the rules of the city. Wear earbuds when you ride the bus alone, always go places with a friend, don't go out late at night, never take a drink from anyone else, if you think you're being followed pretend you're on the phone. But those tips didn't work, did they? No, they didn't, because now you're in bed. You're being yelled at. You're being beaten within an inch of your life. And he keeps slamming into you, over and over and over, and it never ends.

It never ends. That pain, for you, for her..."

I point at Yeji for a brief moment and then turn back to the jury.

"...that will never end. It will haunt you for the rest of your life.

For the first time in your life, you are completely and totally helpless. You are on your own. Your life becomes a game of chance.

We'll see what he's in the mood for. Torture? Maybe. Rape? Yes. Assault? Yes. Murder, who knows? I guess we'll see.

That's what you're thinking. That's what you're thinking when he finally finishes. That's what you're thinking when he fills you with his filth. When he marks you. When he imprints inside of you. When he claims you. At that moment, he branded you as a victim."

I pause for a moment, taking in the complete and utter silence of the courtroom. I have their complete and undivided attention. And they're in shock.

"And then he knocks you unconscious, dumps your dirty, bruised, vile body in a park. You wake up, and there's a handful of people staring at you and calling for help."

I release a deep sigh before going on.

"So what do you do?" I ask. "What do you do?"

I pause for another moment, letting it play out.

"Lots of people kill themselves. Others get into crime. Drugs, sex, alcohol. A few lucky ones will turn to religion or maybe even a support group, and that takes strength."

After yet another pause, I walk closer to the jury.

"Do you know what Yeji did?"

I wait for a few seconds.

"Hwang Yeji went to the hospital. She let them poke and probe her with a rape kit for several hours. She told the police she wanted to press charges. And then she sat in a courtroom with the man who did it to her!"

My voice gets significantly louder as I start to get heated.

"Would you have been able to do it?"

The silence in the room is suffocating and yet so very comforting.

"Answer me this. When they take you to the hospital, and everyone's talking about how lucky you are to be alive. And they start calling you a survivor, would you be able to do it?!"

I take a step back from the jury, calming myself down.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the justice system is a mess. It's a mess, but it's the best one we have. And every now and then, it works out for the right people. When you go through something as traumatic as that, and you hear those words – lucky, survivor. What is that supposed to make you feel? I think somehow this twisted world wants you to connect your rapist with those words.

Should you be grateful? Should you be grateful that he let you live? Should you be grateful that he didn't decide to take your life?! Should you feel lucky that the rapist you got just happened to be the one that decided your life wasn't worth taking?!"

I can see it in their eyes. I can see it in all of them. The passion. The emotion. The rage. The fire. I've done it. I've planted the seed, and its roots are far too deep to be pulled up.

"Those are the emotions the defendant, the rapist, has been trying to evoke in you this entire trial! Gratitude! Luck!

Will you find that acceptable?!" I exclaim.

"Look at Ms. Hwang and tell me you know what it feels like to be her! Tell me you know what you would do in her shoes! Tell me you could be as strong as her!"

I pause for a long moment and make eye contact with each and every member of the jury.

"You. Can't."

The fire is growing. They just need one more push.

"Now..."

I stare at one of the jurors.

"Look at Mr. Kim..."

My eyes travel over all twelve adults sitting in front of me.

"And tell me he didn't do this!"

I've planted the idea, and now it's grown and become their own thought.

"Tell me he's innocent!"

It's ours. The trial, the case, the verdict.

"Tell me he's not guilty!"

And I can hear the words in all of their heads.

We can't.


	12. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

I haven't seen Renjun in two weeks. The verdict came back as guilty and after not even an hour of deliberation, the press blew up. His partner, San is the cover of all media on the trial. He releases all statements, case-related documents, and he's sort of becoming the face of the trial. It pisses me off. He didn't give closing statements, he can't take all the credit, but he does. Knowing Renjun, something tells me he might be grateful for it. He'd be relieved to be hidden from the media. Apparently, he gave the strongest closing statements of the year, and damn if I don't know, I was there. It was something all right. But something changed when I saw him up there. I've come to realize there's something he's hiding from me. I saw it in his eyes, a side of him I had never seen before. He was too caught up in the issue. Too invested, too angry. And since the trial, I assume he's been mostly clogged up in the office. YangYang's been around the house a lot lately with Jaehyun and he tells me he's shuffling around paperwork and settling small cases. I know better. He's hiding from me. He hasn't even been in History these last couple days. According to YangYang, he needs the sleep, he's been spending late nights at the office. It all worries me. He won't let me be there for him.

I dry my wet hair with a towel after my shower in the locker room.

"How you holding up man?" Jaehyun asks me as he dries his own hair.

"Fine," I huff.

"Yeah? Maybe we can hit up a club tonight."

"Yeah, and what the hell are we gonna do there?"

He shrugs. "Drink."

"I'll pass. You should go with YangYang."

"Would you keep your voice down," he hisses.

"What?" I begin to get dressed. "You scared of Hendery? I'm pretty sure he knows."

"You've talked to him about it?" He asks.

"No, but it's not like you guys are all that discreet."

He sighs and turns away to get dressed. I pull on a shirt and a sweater. Groundhog's day is coming and it's freezing here, just something else to make me feel like shit. I stare at my equipment. I've been pouring everything into hockey. I still keep up with schoolwork, but I'm starting to dread History. I miss sitting next to him and bugging him. I keep asking Jaehyun to bring YangYang over so I can ask him about Renjun. I push my hands through my hair. This is so bad. I shouldn't be feeling like this. We've just been on a break for a couple of weeks. We went on a few dates, we had one hot make-out session and then he got busy. End of story. I told Johnny that I didn't want a serious relationship, and I don't... _ right? _

I release a deep sigh. I'm on my way to my car when my reflection catches my eye. I turn towards the mirror. Well, at least I still look the same. Same cold eyes, same tousled hair. Same skin, white teeth. Everything's there, and yet something's so...wrong. I curse under my breath. Looks like Renjun fucked up my reflection too. I don't look happy unless I'm with him. As I'm on my way to the car, my phone rings.

I scramble to dig it out of my bag and when I finally reach it, I answer it without looking to see who it is.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jaemin," Renjun's voice says through the phone. My entire body floods with relief and happiness.

"Hey, he lives!"

"Yeah, sorry, I kinda dropped off the grid for a while there. You wanna meet up?"

I smile and fist pump in excitement.

"Sure. I just got off practice–"

His laugh interrupts me and I find myself smiling at it. "What's funny?"

"What you just did...the fist pump," he laughs.

As my car comes in view I see him leaning against it with a phone against his ear. I don't see his car in the lot but I see YangYang's. I hang up and jog to him. He kicks away from the car, putting his phone in his back pocket.

"I can't believe you did that," he starts. "You're such a dork, I'm never going to let you–"

My hands find his waist and force him flush with the car again, and then my lips crash on his. I suddenly need him like I need air. My hands wind into his hair as I work his lips in long pulls, my tongue grazing over his. He goes with it, feeling up my chest and eventually grabbing fistfuls of my sweatshirt, pulling me harder into him. After a while, he pulls away for air.

"Scratch that...not a dork."

I chuckle and he leans in, pressing his lips against mine. His kiss isn't like mine. It's slow, caring, and it's the best kiss of my life. I think every kiss with him is the best kiss of my life. He pulls away again and releases my shirt from his fist. He runs his hands over my upper chest, trying to smooth out the wrinkles.

"Where do you want to go?" I ask.

"Coffee?"

"Sounds good. I take it I'm driving you?"

Renjun gives me a peck on the lips and walks around to slide into the passenger seat. I'm so happy I could yell, or fist pump. But instead, I get into the car and race towards the campus coffee shop.

* * *

As we walk to the coffee shop, I grab Renjun's hand and swing it back and forth.

"So things settled down at the firm?" I ask.

"Not exactly..." he says quietly. "I missed seeing you, and I'm sorry for the cold shoulder. A big reason why I came to see you today is because I...I need to tell you something."

"Okay..." I reply nervously as I hold the door open for him.

"I'll tell you after we get our drinks."

We walk inside and I order coffee for both of us. While we're waiting for them, I pull us to a booth in the back and I snuggle in next to him.

"So you're not going to just disappear on me again, right?" I ask, nuzzling his neck. "I missed you."

"Jaemin," he laughs. "Chill out with the affection."

"I can't help it," I whine. "What do you expect me to do, I haven't seen my beautiful boyfriend for two weeks."

Renjun laughs and I pull away from him, sitting up straight. He presses a kiss to my cheek. "You're sweet. I missed you, too."

"Yeah, I bet you did."

Renjun snorts a laugh and shakes his head at me. "Still cocky as ever, I see."

I smile and shrug. Our names are called and we go to get our coffee.

"Come on," Renjun says."Let's take a walk."

I follow him outside and we start walking up to campus.

It's cold outside and I can see my breath. We walk down to the center field of campus and Renjun starts to slow down. I look over at him and lose my breath for a second. He's stunning. His eyes sparkling in a way that makes me think about Christmas. His hair is beautifully and naturally shiny. Even his skin is radiating in the sun and suddenly I'm overwhelmed by this urge to just...

I grab his arm and pull him into me. My hands tangle into his hair as I pull his mouth up to mine and kiss him. His finger wrap around my wrists as he kisses me back.

"Sorry," I say as I pull away. I rest my forehead against his and look into his eyes. When he smiles, it's like I've been punched in the gut. He gives me this feeling of...intense affection. Like I just want to kiss him, hold him, always be by his side. I want to be his. His equal, his...his one. I know the word for what I'm feeling...

"Renjun...I–"

"Wait," he interrupts. His smile disappears as he shuts his eyes. "Don't say anything."

When he opens his eyes again, they're full of tears, and not the happy kind. "Renjun? What's–"

"This thing...I need to tell you..." he interrupts again. He pulls away from me a little and shakes his head, struggling with his words.

I stay silent, not knowing what to do. He points at a bench at the bottom of the field. "Can we sit?"

"Sure."

He walks over to the bench and I follow him, sitting down cautiously. He pauses for a long moment, taking a deep breath. He turns to me.

"You're gonna freak out when I tell you this."

I give a short nervous laugh. "Maybe."

"I...I told you I was depressed in high school. There's a reason for that. I experienced something. Something traumatic. And I'm still kinda...recovering."

His hands are shaking and I immediately take them into my own.

"You're going to be so freaked out, please don't be freaked out." Something about his voice, begging me, pleading, it awakens a sense of connection in me. It's like I'm tethered to him. My heart is attached to his by some invisible line.

"No, I won't JunJun. I just need to know you're okay."

He releases a heavy breath.

"Go on" I urge softly, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear.

"Um..." he clears his throat. "W-when I was fifteen, I-I..." he swallows, "I was raped."

I feel my blood go cold. It sweeps through my body making my muscles numb.

"Eleven years ago."

My mind is racing a million miles an hour. Who was it? How did it happen?

"Are you still with me?" He asks nervously.

I nod slowly. "Sorry. Not freaking out, just processing."

Lie. Definitely freaking out.

"It was terrible," He whispers.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Oh god.

"And there's more," he says with a shaky breath. "He got away."

"What?!" I shout.

"He's still out there."

I stand up and rake my hands through my hair. Okay, try to sort through it. He was raped. He stole his virginity. He went free. He went free?!

"I'm so sorry, Jaemin–"

"Don't," I interrupt harshly. When I look over at him, my eyes soften. "Don't you dare apologize Jun,?" I say softly. "It's not your fault."

"I know but..." he can't finish his sentence as a sob breaks through. I go to him immediately and hold him in my arms.

He sniffles softly. "I get it if...if this changes how you may feel about me."

"No, of course not."

"I just want you to understand that I carry a lot of baggage. I'm still really damaged from this and–"

"JunJun," I say firmly. "Look at me."

I put enough space between us for him to look up at me.

"This does not change how I feel about you." I look deep in his eyes, making sure he understands. When he nods slowly I pull him into my chest again.

Raped. The word circles in my head. I clear my throat.

"That being said, I may need a few days...just to process all of this."

"Of course," he says softly, his voice showing his disappointment. We sit in silence as I hold him in my arms. My thoughts begin to swirl, trying to wrap around what he has told me. Raped? Someone forced him to have sex. But what are the details? God, I hope it wasn't like the case he prosecuted. Who did this? Is this why he didn't want me to see him in court? Was he drunk? Was he conscious? Was he drugged? A better question—does it matter? It shouldn't matter how it happened. It happened, period. He was raped.

Shit. My boyfriend was raped. When he was only fifteen, when he was a virgin, someone decided to take away his right, his body, his confidence, his love, his trust...the list goes on.

"It's not fair," I say. "Why you?"

He shrugs against me. "I asked myself that question for a long time. I thought it was unfair, unlucky. I keep asking myself, why me? But then I figured it out. To everyone else at that party, it was luck that it was me. Because if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. It would have been some other boy or girl. It could have been anyone. I'm glad it happened...but I guess I would say, out of everyone at that party, or in the city, or country, hell—in the world, I'm glad it was me."

Just when I thought I couldn't fall for him anymore. I press a kiss to his temple.

"Huang Renjun, you never cease to amaze me."

He laughs lightly and scoots closer to me. "What are you thinking?" He asks.

"A lot of things."

"Yeah I bet," he sighs.

I rub his shoulder with my hand. "Well to start, I'm thinking you're incredibly brave...strong...courageous..." 

_...I'm thinking that I'm in love with you. _

He squeezes my hand. As if he could read my mind he says, "But...you need a little time."

"Hey, we'll get there. Just need a little time to gloss things over."

I really need time to figure out how to go about this relationship from here on. Especially with this new information on the plate.

He nods again. "I know. But for now, let's just enjoy this."

I look down at him as he shuts his eyes. The winter air rustles his hair and I hold his hands in the cold. I decide right then and there, Renjun...he's the one. And I'm completely and utterly in love with him.

* * *

One week later.

I stare at my phone for a while, the message I'm about to send staring back at me.

_You free for dinner?_

I send the message, more than ready to see him again. Renjun texts back almost immediately.

_I am_

I try to play it cool even though my body's now running on yet another Renjun high.

_Sweet. I'll swing by and pick you up in twenty?_

_Okay!_

His excitement makes me happy. Hopefully, he's just as anxious to see me again as I've been. I'm already ready, so I get in my car and drive to the florist down the street to buy some flowers before our date. I get to his apartment a little early and straighten up outside his door. I run my hand through my hair and I'm about to knock when I hear the voices inside. YangYang and Renjun are in an argument.

"You shouldn't have done that!" Renjun yells.

From inside, YangYang's voice shouts back. "Come on JunJun, you need to go out! Besides, being with him helps and you know it!"

"Yang, I'm having a shitty day, okay?! I don't want to bring my crap attitude on a date."

"Then don't!"

Renjun makes a noise of frustration halfway between a groan and a shout. "I'm already embarrassed about what happened today! What if I'm out with him and it happens again?!"

I knock on the door, not wanting to eavesdrop more. I hear Renjun curse and a minute later, YangYang opens the door.

"Hi, Jaemin. He'll be out in a minute...I hope," he greets.

"I heard you guys arguing, what's going on?" He sighs heavily and shuts the door behind me.

"I was out with him today buying groceries and at some point when I wasn't with him, something triggered him. He flipped out in the store and started breathing all heavy and his eyes were wild. Anyways, I saw that you texted and I kinda sorta took his phone and made plans with you...for him. I was just trying to help him..."

I find myself shifting into a protective mode. "What triggered him?"

"I don't know, maybe you should talk to him."

I nod and head down the hall to Renjun's room. I knock on the door lightly before entering.

"Hey..."

He's sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

"Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. You probably want to check me into a mental hospital huh?"

"Don't be silly."

I kneel in front of him and peel his hands away from his face.

"I got these for you," I say, showing him the flowers.

"Oh, JaemJaem, they're gorgeous," he says taking them.

"Just like you."

He smiles lightly. "I heard YangYang telling you, it's okay. You don't have to walk on eggshells."

I set the flowers down on one side of him and sit next to him on the other side. "What was it that set you off?" I ask, grabbing his hands.

He squeezes my hands and shuts his eyes like he's back there. "I swear I...I smelled him. That same smell. I was back there, in that room, at that party..." he shudders and opens his eyes to look at the ground.

"Maybe there was someone around with the same cologne or something?"

We stay quiet for a minute holding each other's hands and looking at the ground. Eventually, he grabs the flowers off the bed and stands up.

"I should get these in water and we should get going."

"JunJun, that's okay, we don't have to go anywhere."

"No, YangYang was right. I need to get out. And you, you help me."

"But still, if you've been having a bad day, we can just do a night in."

"No way. This is the first time I've seen you for a week. Let's go do something nice."

So that's what I do. I take Renjun to dinner and then he suggests a few games at the bowling alley.

* * *

"How are you kicking my ass right now?" Renjun shouts at me over the loud music.

"'Cause you throw like a wimp," I laugh.

"Hey! Who you calling a wimp?!" He throws back.

"You should just use the bumpers, you'd score more."

"No way, you're not using the bumpers!"

"Yeah, 'cause I don't throw like a wimp," I tease under my breath.

"Hey!" He shouts. He pushes me playfully in the chest but I catch his hands and bring them up to my lips, pressing kisses on his knuckles.

"You're right, that was mean."

"You should say you're sorry."

"Or, I could show you how sorry I am," I tease, my hands traveling around his waist and then sliding into the back pockets of his jeans.

He blushes and laughs, wrapping his arms around my neck and standing on his tiptoes to kiss me.

"You wanna stay over tonight?" I ask, as he pulls away. "I don't have practice till a little later tomorrow."

He bites his lips nervously. "I don't know."

"I won't try anything, scouts honor," I hold up a hand to show him I mean it.

"You say that now...but–"

"Come on JunJun. Even if we were to get into something, would that really be such a bad thing?"

He hesitates before answering slowly, "No...I guess it wouldn't..."

"Then stay over tonight. And we won't...or we will, but it'll be okay."

He continues to chew on his lip. "It's not that I don't want to...I really want to. It's just the last time I did..."

"I understand JunJun, but this is me. I'm not him, and I'd never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I know," he sighs. "Okay, sure, I'll stay the night."

I smile happily and lean down to kiss him.

"Your turn," he whispers once I've pulled away.

I kiss him again and grab the bowling ball, swinging and hitting a strike. But nothing could come close to the strike I've hit by meeting Renjun.

* * *

Renjun comes out of the bathroom and into my room, showered, and wearing an old shirt of mine. Just an old shirt of mine. His fingers tug it down trying to make it stretch to his knees. I pat the bed next to me and he crawls, settling in under the sheets. I get up to piss and change and come back in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms.

"Just the bottoms?" Renjun asks.

I shrug and get under the covers. "I wear bottoms, you wear top."

He snorts a laugh and snuggles into my side. "Whatever you say."

After a moment I yawn. "I'm tired," I mumble.

"Oh yeah? Did you have a long practice?"

I groan in response. "Coach is trying to kill us. It was six hours today. Two hours in weights and four on the ice."

"Oh my god. Are you sore?" He asks, rubbing his hand over my chest.

"No, just tired," I reply, yawning again. "How about you, tired?"

He shakes his head. "No actually. I feel wide awake. My little freak-out today has me thinking about a lot of things. Things I haven't thought about in a while."

"What things?" I ask, swinging my arm around his shoulder and pulling his head up onto my chest.

"I just...keep wondering when my past record in court is going to catch up to me."

"Was it a big case?" I ask. I still know very little about what happened to Renjun. I've resisted the temptation to look up anything on him or the case knowing that it's his story to tell, not the media's.

"It was big. It was a football player's son so it was big."

"I'm sorry," I whisper into his hair.

"It's alright. I need to just go to sleep and let my brain shut off."

"That sounds good to me," I sigh.

"If you turn around, I'll scratch your back."

I gladly accept his offer and turn on my side away from him. He scratches my back softly and slowly, and it doesn't take much to put me to sleep.

* * *

When I wake up, I can tell something's off. My hand stretches out next to me for Renjun, but I found nothing. I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes. There's no light underneath the door in the bathroom.

I get up and look at the clock on my nightstand. Where'd he go? It's two o'clock in the morning. I sleepily make my way down the hall and downstairs. I see Renjun on the couch with my laptop in his lap, the light shining and reflecting his face in the darkness.

"JunJun come to bed," I yawn, walking downstairs. He startles when he hears my voice but relaxes quickly when he realizes it's me.

"I'll be up in a minute. I just had to check something," he sniffles.

"Whatcha looking at?" I ask, trudging over to him sleepily. I flop down on the couch and let my head fall onto his shoulder. I look down at the computer screen.

The title reads:  _ Teenage Boy Accuses Rape in an Attempt to Squeeze Money from Football King _

My eyes just skim the article, only picking out certain words.

Rape. Lee Jeno. Evidence. Fifteen. Virgin. Party.

_ Not guilty. _

"This isn't true," he says. A tear slides down his face and he brushes it away quickly with the back of his hand. Oh god. He's worried about me believing him? At those words, my comforting side finally kicks in to go.

"Don't look at that," I say, slamming the laptop shut.

"He did it. I swear he did it," he cries.

"Shhh shh shh, I know baby, it's alright," I pull him into my chest, holding him close to my heart. Seeing him hurt kills me. My heart aches for him.

"Baby, look at me," I say firmly. "Listen to me..." I hold the sides of his face gently as he looks up at me.

"You are the bravest person I know. You're full of it. Bravery, courage, strength, I can see it in you."

He nods a little, showing me that he's listening. But his eyes reveal that he doesn't really believe me. He's so much stronger than he realizes.

"Never—not for a second—did I doubt you, okay? I know he did it. Just because twelve random people didn't see it doesn't mean I can't. Just because twelve stupid people thought he didn't doesn't mean I think that too. Just because they said he's not guilty doesn't mean that I don't see him as what he is—guilty. I believe you Renjun, I never had any question in my mind about that."

I rest my forehead against his and look into his eyes. This time they show that he's taken in everything that I've said, and he believes it. He believes me. It's the last link in the trust of our relationship.

"JaemJaem..." he says softly.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Jaemin...I love you."

I release a quick rush of air and laugh in a huff.

"Thank god, cause I've been waiting to say that for a while now."

He grabs my wrists and tugs them lightly.

"Say it, please."

"I love you," I say softly. "God, I'm completely in love with you."

He closes his eyes and smiles. His smile, it's like sunshine to me. And seeing it relieves me.

I stand up and take his hand, linking it with mine. "Come on, let's go to bed."

I take him upstairs and back to my room, back to my bed. He gets under the covers and I gently urge him to turn to his side.

"Your turn for a back scratch."

"Okay," he sighs.


	13. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

I wake up late after my eventful night. The first thing my mind settles on is Jaemin. I told him I love him, and he said it back. I smile thinking about it...thinking about him. I turn around to find him sleeping on his back, snoring. I giggle and moved towards him. I pepper his face with small kisses until he surprises me, groaning and rolling us over so he has me caged in underneath him.

"Let a guy sleep," he mumbles, his eyes still opening. He slouches, laying on top of me, all of his body weight crushing me.

"JaemJaem," I laugh.

He chuckles and slides off me. His eyes shut again and I shake his arm. "Come on it's time to wake up."

He shakes his head. "Nope."

"Please, I want to talk to you."

He grumbles something and stays as he is.

After a minute of contemplating it, I decided to just be brave. I swing my leg over him so I'm straddling him at the hip. His eyes snap open and his fingers fly to my waist, gripping lightly.

"Jesus JunJun, are you trying to kill me?"

"No," I laugh. "Just to wake you up."

"Consider me awake," he groans.

I lean down, humming contently. "Good morning," I say, before pressing a kiss to his lips.

He kisses me back and rolls us over once again. "Well, aren't you excited this morning," he points out.

I nod my head. "That's actually...that's kinda what I wanted to talk about," I feel my cheeks starting to blush.

Jaemin smiles at me. "Is this conversation headed to where I think it's heading? Cause I'm going to be really happy if it is."

I nod my head slowly, my cheeks heating up. "After last night, I have no more doubts. I...I love you, and I want to show you."

Jaemin suddenly grows serious. He brushes a piece of hair away from my eyes. "JunJun, we don't have to do this–"

"I want to" I interrupt. "I really want to."

"Well...I mean..." he pauses and curses under his breath. "Do you have a certain date or something?"

"Now," I whisper, pulling his lips down to mine. He only kisses me shortly, then he pulls away.

"Wait here for a minute."

He gets up, leaves the room, and comes back five minutes later.

"Johnny's gone."

"What about the others?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Never came home last night. Jaehyun's probably at YangYang's, and god knows where Hendery is."

He climbs back over me and pauses, looking into my eyes. One last check if I'm okay. I nod and wrap my arms around his neck, urging him to close the distance between our lips. After receiving my confirmation I can feel his body heat up. His chest and back grow hotter as I run my hands over the strong muscles there. He presses his strong lips against my naive ones and quickly works them into submission. He braces himself above me on his forearms but I can feel him getting heavier with the need for his body to connect to mine. I arch my back slightly eager to feel his skin on mine. Jaemin takes my signal and pauses to lift my shirt up, leaving me in only boxers. Then he goes right back to kissing me. I follow his lead, my fingers moving through his soft hair and tugging lightly, causing him to groan into me. The lust and physical hunger grow in me, awakening a passion I've never experienced. When I moan and roll my hips against him, he pulls away.

"Are you sure about this?" He asks again. I can feel how eager he is. I feel the same.

"I trust you...I trust us. I want this," I reply honestly.

He nods and stands up to shuck off his pajamas. When he climbs over me again, he's covered in only his boxers. I swallow eagerly.

"JaemJaem..."

He looks down at me as I touch the sides of his face.

"...I love you."

He smiles happily and leans down to whisper in my ear. "Say it again."

"I love you."

He kisses down my neck. "Again," he growls.

"I love you," I gasp lightly.

He nips at my ear and I sigh, starting to squirm underneath him. He chuckles and sets his lips against mine.

"I love you," he breathes against me. He teases my lips with small kisses and I groan softly.

"Show me."

And he does exactly that.

* * *

We live in a series of moments. And sometimes you'll hear something in a song, a certain rift or tune that triggers this feeling of emotion or overwhelm. Some kind of outside force. This deep tug, somewhere behind your heart, underneath your lungs. And you can see all the moments. The laughter, the pain, all of it. That's what makes it good. The high school football games, the club with your friends, the terrible breakups, the death of a family member...

The tears, the smiles, all of it.

Often, people use the expression,  _ "My life flashed before my eyes," _ and this is used when you come close to death. In the 0.2 seconds before you think you're going to die. So really, your last moment is that lifetime, the whole series of moments.

I'm unsure of what happened first. Somewhere along the way, my moments collided. I don't remember when my life flashed before my eyes because it happened more than once.

"I can't do this! I can't do this again!" I scream.

I'm pulling at my hair. I'm scraping my scalp.

"I don't want to do this anymore!" I yell.

Where am I? I'm home. I'm in my apartment. I'm in my apartment's bathroom. I'm safe. His words echo in my head.

_ You can't hide. You're not safe. _

No. I don't. I can't. I WON'T! I won't do this again! I wouldn't live through this again!

Tears are falling down my face. My fingers are twitching, my head is burning, I can't stop scraping my scalp.

Suddenly there's pounding on the door. He's here. He caught up to me.

"Renjun!" He yells frantically. "Renjun, open the door!"

I start sobbing. It's my friend. It's YangYang. I'm scaring him. I don't want to. I don't want to scare anyone, I just want it to end. And I can see it now. God, I can see all of it. And it's so painful. Make it stop! Please take it away! I can see that night, I can see those years that I blocked out, and I can see the events that took place tonight.

_ "Well, I told him I loved him, and he said it back." _

_ "I know that part, get to the juicy stuff!" _

_ "Well the next morning, I just...I really wanted to take that step with him, you know, and we did." _

_ YangYang groaned. "You're terrible at this, you know that? I want really good details, how was the sex?" _

_ I released a deep sigh. "He was soft, slow, loving. It was amazing." _

_ He slouched in his seat. "That's nice." _

_ "What about you and Jaehyun, have you guys...you know..." _

_ "No, don't bring him up. I'm here because I don't want to think about Jaehyun," YangYang said, raising his hand to flag down the bartender. _

_ "Yeah, I was curious as to why you chose this place? A bar? You and I tend to run more with the club scene. Didn't feel in the mood to dance tonight?" _

_ "Ugh no," he groaned. "Clubs are for letting loose, bars are for wallowing in your misery." _

_ "Oh no, trouble in paradise?" I asked as the bartender headed over to us. _

_ YangYang looked up to order his drink. "I'll take...you know just give me a martini, and keep 'em coming." _

_ "I'll just have water, thanks." _

_ He nodded and left as YangYang released a huge sigh, slouching in his seat. _

_ "Jaehyun, he keeps fighting—boxing...whatever. He's gonna get seriously hurt." _

_ "Why does he do it?" _

_ "I don't know. He says money, but it's more than that. I think he likes it." _

_ "And obviously you don't." _

_ "I'm trying but...I mean I'm trying to become a doctor! Doctors and boxers just don't..." he trailed off as our drinks were brought to us. _

_ "So you have told him all this? How you feel?" I asked. _

_ "I tried. He doesn't like to talk about it. And then earlier today I wouldn't let it slide. I kept bugging him about it and then he snapped and we got into a fight and I pushed him away and he walked out." _

_ "Yikes." _

_ I finished my water as YangYang ordered another martini. _

_ "I'm gonna use the restroom, I'll be right back," I told him. _

_ "K." _

_ I began to make my way towards the back of the bar where it was more crowded. There were pool tables and a jukebox crowded around and over and that's when I felt eyes on me. The hairs on my neck stood up and I stopped. Right in the middle of the bar, I froze. Something is wrong. I could feel it in my blood, in my bones. An icy cold presence swept over my body. A warm hand pressed against the back of my neck. _

_ "Hi, honey. Long time no see." _

_ His voice was the same. It was the same gravely threatening voice I could hear in my nightmares. His hand trailed around my shoulder and just barely grazed the side of my chest as he traveled around me to face me and dropped his hand. I stopped breathing. I could only see his shoes. _

_ "Oh come on honey, don't hide from me now. We're old flames, don't you remember?" he mocked. _

_ A shiver raced up and down my spine, warning me of the danger. _

_ His finger hooked under my chin and brought it up so we were face to face. He's the same. He's the same sixteen-year-old boy who raped me. Only now he's taller, older, and worst of all, stronger. _

_ "There are those pretty eyes I remember so vividly." _

_ Everything he said had a double meaning to it. To hurt me, torture me. _

_ "I can see you've grown into quite the man." _

_ He walked around me, circling me like his prey. "Pretty." _

_ He rested his hand around my waist and whispered in my ear, "Sexy too. Lots more curves than I remember." _

_ Suddenly I found my voice, "Don't touch me." _

_ "Ooh, still feisty as ever. Perhaps you don't remember, I have a bad habit of taking what I want when I want it." _

_ "You can't hurt me anymore." _

_ A deep dark chuckle erupted from his throat. _

_ "Oh, but I can try." _

_ The tears were forming in my eyes. _

_ He leaned in close, whispering in my ear, "I've longed for you ever since that night. It was never as good as it was with you. I think I like to be a little rough." _

_ The fear and adrenaline in my body started to pump towards making my feet work. I stumbled a few steps backward trying to regain my senses. _

_ "Do not come any closer to me!" I yelled at him. _

_ He snarled at me. "You can't run. You can't hide." _

_ I knew that I needed to leave. I needed to get as far away from him as possible. _

_ "I'll see you soon, Renjun." _

_ When his words fell from my lips I broke and a little cry escaped from my mouth. I turned around and walked back towards my seat at the bar where my phone was. _

_ "Oh, bringing your phone?" YangYang asked. _

_ I clutched it tightly in my hands. _

_ "Renjun are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost." _

_ "Where were you? Why didn't you look for me? I was right...I was just..." I didn't know what I was saying. _

_ "Renjun? What are you saying? Are you okay?" _

_ "He's here." _

_ "He? Who's he?" _

_ "Jeno!" I screamed at him. _

_ I ran out of the door. I hailed a taxi that was rolling by and gave him my address, telling him to step on it. _

"Renjun?!" Another voice yells. Oh no! It's him!

"I don't want him here!" I sob loudly. "I don't want him to see me like this!"

People are talking outside, I don't know who, I don't know about what. There's a soft knock on the door.

"JunJun, baby, it's me, it's JaemJaem."

"Jaemin?" I ask, my voice shaking as more tears fall.

"That's right baby, it's me. You want to let me in?"

"You won't let him hurt me right?"

"Of course not. I'll protect you, but first, you have to open the door."

"I'm really scared JaemJaem."

"I know. Baby, I know you're scared, but you have to be strong just for a moment okay? Just open the door and I can help you."

"Jaemin I really don't want you to see me like this."

"Renjun if you don't open the door I'm going to have to knock it down."

After a long pause, I slowly unlocked the door and he timidly pushed it open. As soon as he sees me, he pulls me into whispering, "Oh thank god."

I clutch onto him and cry into his chest.

"He's here Jaem. I don't know how he found me..."

"Shh shh shh, it's okay," he comforts. "I'm here now, I won't leave your side."

I nod against his chest. He pulls away from me for a second and leans down to look in my eyes.

"I'm going to take you away from here, okay? But I need your phone. I'll give it right back, I promise, but I need it really quick."

I pull my phone out of my bag and unlock it, handing it to him. He takes it and starts tapping and then holds it up to his ear.

"Come on," he says to me. He takes my hand and leads us to my room. I follow behind, clutching his hand like a child. He gently reaches down to pull the covers back, then he nods towards the bed.

"Lie down," he says gently. "I'll be there with you in a minute."

I do as he says and I lie down on my side so I'm facing him. I watch him as whoever he's calling picks up the phone and he starts talking.

"Hi, no, this is his boyfriend, Jaemin. Listen, something happened, he needs help."

He pauses and starts pacing the room.

"I'm not entirely sure, but I do know that he saw him. Lee Jeno. He's here, he talked to him."

There's another pause. "Yeah, he needs you right now."

He looks back at me and gives me a small smile.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Okay. Hurry if you can."

He pulls the phone away and kneels at the bed right beside me. He grabs my hands and holds them in his.

"Your brother's on his way, alright? And he's buying plane tickets to take us to Jilin."

"JaemJaem you can't. Hockey–"

"Fuck hockey. Hockey will be here when we get back. You're more important."

I'm about to sit up when he stands and gets in the bed. He nestles in behind me and I turn to look at him. We lie in silence for what feels like only a few seconds. I soak it all in. I know what it is. It's the quiet before the storm. Everything's about to blow up in my face. These seconds of peace are all I'll have to cling to until the storm blows over...and who knows how long that will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is ending very soon guys, thank you soooo much for reading this fic!


	14. 🏒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🏒 Jaemin's POV

Things come to light in Jilin. We get answers to why Jeno was in Seoul. There's a new piece of evidence on the case concerning the nature of Renjun's rape. It's tricky because the statue of limitation never expires on the charge of rape in Jilin, but there's the court's double jeopardy law. And now we're trying to sort out the confrontation they had in Seoul and if it can be related to the case Lee's harassment toward Renjun. The DA says that Renjun's case can't be reopened because Lee was already given a verdict of not guilty. He asked if he wanted to press charges on him from when he ran into him at the bar, but there's not much to charge and Renjun is 100% unwilling to go back to anything court related that involves Lee Jeno.

The new evidence that came to be is terrible. Someone at that party, 11 years ago was messing around and videotaping themselves with their friends. In the background, you can see Jeno forcing an extremely resistant fifteen-year-old boy up the stairs. Renjun watched the tape over and over, again and again.

It's broken him all over again. He's completely pulled away. He sleeps all day, and then he's awake all night. I try to stay up with him but the time difference in China and the stress of the situation has us on two different time schedules. His parents are incredibly kind and welcoming. They've become used to having me around, and I think they enjoy the company. Xuxi took a little getting used too, and I wish I could really spend some time with him one on one to show him my actual personality. He's friendly, but only because he can see how much I love Renjun.

Each day, I feel Renjun and I pull further apart. We've been here for a week now, and there are no plans to leave anytime soon. I've been dropping hints to go back. I just want him to understand the reality of the situation. The longer we avoid our responsibilities and hide, the worst the consequences will be when we do get back.

Sometimes I get frustrated with him. He sleeps the whole day and then at night, he sits up, watching that damn video over and over again. I want to smash that stupid fucking phone, destroy that video. I fell asleep early last night and just as my eyes are opening in the morning, his are shutting. I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up in bed.

"JunJun, you've gotta break the sleeping schedule you've got going on right now. It's not healthy" I whisper, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"I'll be better once we go back," he mumbles, snuggling into the sheets of our guest room bed.

"When are we going back?" I ask, trying to approach the subject carefully.

Renjun's eyes snap open. "When I know that he's gone."

I sigh from frustration. He looks over at me, his brows pinched together.

"Problem?" He asks, a spark in his eyes.

I shake my head quickly. "No, of course not. We'll stay as long as you need."

I squeeze his hand but he pulls away from me. For a long moment, he watches me, his eyes spotting all my hidden worries.

"Jaemin," he starts. "I don't know if we can do this anymore."

"What's wrong?" I ask, stupefied from his blunt statement.

He shoots up from the bed and looks over to me with fire in his eyes.

"What's wrong? That's not a serious question right?!"

I blink stupidly, too shocked to really process his words. I feel tired, confusion crossing my face. When Renjun looks at me again, his expression softens.

"Jaemin you have to go back to Seoul," he says softly.

"What?"

"We can't do this anymore—at least not here. You have to leave."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jaemin you can't be here!" He yells. "I'm ruining you! I'm ruining us!"

I stare at him blankly.

"Don't act like you can't feel it. I know you can. We're heading to dangerous ground. I don't want to fuck it up to the point where we can't repair it. So just go."

"But...I can't leave you."

He scoots closer to me.

"JaemJaem, I love you. But I'm hurting..."

He takes my hand and sets it over his heart.

"The fact that I'm causing you to miss hockey, miss school, miss your friends, and now it's your physical health. Being here...it's fucking up your sleep, your appetite, even your body language...you're exhausted, and I can see it. It hurts too much to see what I'm doing to you here."

"I love you."

I say it because it's the only thing I'm thinking about. I say it because it's what I'm holding on to. I say it because it's the one thing I'm sure of at this moment. I say it because it's true. So I say it again.

"I love you."

Renjun closes his eyes softly and a tear rolls down his cheeks.

"I love you too. That's why you have to leave. You have to Jaemin. I mean it. Go."

I nod my head and lean forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead. I pack my things up quickly and call a cab. And then before I know it, I'm at the airport, on a plane, and landing back in Seoul. By the end of the day, I'm back home. I take a cab to Renjun's apartment because I need it. I need to be near some part of him. I need to convince myself that I did the right thing.

I knock on the door to Renjun's apartment and hear faint voices inside. YangYang opens up the door, his face showing his shock.

"Jaemin? You're back? Is Renjun here?" He asks.

Jaehyun's voice comes from down the hallway to YangYang's room. "Who is it?"

"Jaemin!" He shouts back.

"Renjun's not here. It's just me. I thought I could hang around for a while." I answer.

Jaehyun comes jogging down the hallway. When he sees me he smiles and grabs me into a big hug.

"Hey man!" He greets, slapping me on the back. "Missed you on the ice last week!"

I chuckle and slap him on the back in return. He pulls away and looks me up and down.

"You look like shit man."

I scoff and step into the apartment. "Yeah, I feel like it too. Cut me some slack."

Jaehyun looks out the door. "Where's Renjun? Does he need help with bags?"

I shake my head. "He's still in Jilin."

He pauses for a moment and then backs up, closing the door. "Sorry man."

I shrug. "I was just asking YangYang if I could stay here until he gets back."

YangYang smiles at me sympathetically. "Yeah, of course, Jaemin."

I nod in thanks and head down the hallway to Renjun's room. I dump my stuff and then go back to the kitchen for some water. While I'm walking past the living room, I see Jaehyun and YangYang snuggled up on the couch watching television.

I grab a water from the fridge and turn back towards them.

"You know, Renjun always wanted to hang out with me at the hub. He said he wanted to give you guys privacy, let you hide out from Hendery."

"Yeah," YangYang sighs. "That sounds like him."

"Wouldn't have been a problem if you would have just told him."

Jaehyun pauses the show they're watching. "It's not that easy," he says.

My jaw clenches and I feel my blood begin to boil.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Both YangYang and Jaehyun stand up and turn around to face me. Jaehyun clears his throat. "It's just complicated is all."

After a long and shitty day, that's my breaking point. I'm exhausted and I have major jet lag. All I can think about is Renjun and how he's not here...how I left his side. Jaehyun and YangYang have had a talk coming for a while now. And so, I snap.

"It's complicated? It's not that easy?! The man I love is a thousand fucking miles away from me, hiding from the guy that raped him, got away with it, and is now stalking him! He sent me away to continue with my life while he stays frozen in fear! He's petrified to be in the same place as him! And you're telling me you can't get off your ass and tell one of your best friends that you like his brother?! You don't fucking get to talk to me about complicated! You don't get to tell me what's not easy!"

I stand there breathing heavily, still angry. Their faces show their shock, but I'm glad. Maybe they needed a slap of sense. I storm down the hallway and slam the door to Renjun's room behind me. Immediately, I grab my phone to call him, but the time reveals he's probably sleeping right now. Instead, I open up our text messages to leave him something to wake up to.

_ I love you. _

_ Made it back safe and sound. Staying at your place for a while. It's not home without you though. _

_ I miss you. _

_ I want to hear the sound of your voice. _

_ I love you. _

_ I fucking love you. _

_ I think I'm going to hockey tomorrow...something to get my mind off you being a thousand miles away. _

_ Also, just yelled at Jaehyun and YangYang. _

_ Don't be mad, I couldn't help it, they're so frustrating sometimes. _

_ I know, I shouldn't have...but I don't care _

_ I love you. _

_ Baby I love you so much. _

After that last one, I toss my phone away from me. I feel like an idiot. I feel like an idiot for so much.

* * *

I do go to hockey the next day. I reconnect with all my teammates, but I think they can tell I'm still not really present. Half my heart is across the country. Jaehyun and I don't talk beside a few words. 

Hendery kicks his ass on the ice, more than usual. So either Jaehyun told him between my lecture yesterday and now, Hendery's catching on to the depth of their relationship. I stay focused on the ice, but the emotions I'm holding give me an extra boost.

Something I'm trying to burn out of my system. Today, I blow through everyone. And because of my performance, Coach goes easy on me with his lecture. Regardless, he's not happy that I missed a week of practice. He punishes me with two extra hours on the ice after everyone else goes home. I don't mind it at all though, it's not like I have anything better to do. Although, I'm sure my grades will be reflecting my absence as well. Back to class tomorrow. When I finally finish practice, I sit in one of the seats of the stadium and stare at the ice. After a depressingly lone time, I get up and trudge to the locker room. I check my phone to see that I have a missed call and eleven new messages. The missed call is from Renjun, and so are the texts.

_ I miss you too. _

_ Tried to call, you're probably in practice. _

_ I hate this. _

_ I love you. _

_ You yelled at YangYang and Jaehyun? Finally, someone told them the truth. _

_ Maybe it'll knock some sense into them. _

_ Xuxi's driving me crazy. _

_ I miss you. _

_ Like, I really really fucking miss you JaemJaem. _

_ And I love you. _

_ I love you. _

My body feels lighter reading the texts, hearing his voice in my head as my eyes travel over the words. But, my heart stays heavy. I text him once before hopping into the shower.

_ Please come back soon. _


	15. ⚖️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚖️ Renjun's POV

I get Jaemin's text right before the sun sets.

_Please come back soon._

With those words, everything comes rushing back to me.

_Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?_

I've always seen that as the first fault in our justice system. That fact that an entire testimony—what the defense is going to call evidence—is based on the truth according to the criminal. It never really occurred to me that the first fault in our justice system is that...we even need one. That we can't live contently because of these emotions—rage, frustration, jealousy. These emotions that get into people's heads every day. That compels a person to pick up the knife of the gun, to press on the gas, to drink that drink, or buy that drug.

The things that scare you in life shouldn't be the idea of the ghosts, clowns, or dangerous animals in the deepest depths of the oceans. What you should be afraid of is what's real. You should be afraid of what's actually in the world—right now. What so many people are sheltered from.

What you should be afraid of are the cold-blooded kills. The injustice towards people who are by every right equal, the cruelty towards animals who can't speak their mind, the domination of greedy minds by green paper, the gap between countries who bicker and squabble over a mineral that destroy our earth.

I was raped as a virgin at age fifteen. After that day, I lived my life afraid. I lived my life sheltered. Because I experienced the dark corner of the world. I see the nitty-gritty. I saw the evil in humankind. But now I realize. My flaw in moving on was blocking everything out. As long as people stay sheltered to the terrors of the world, we can't make any movement to change it. It took me experience and education to figure that out.

When you find something—or in my case, _someone_ —that means the world to you, all you care about is sharing that world with them. But if you want to share the world with them, you have to accept the world for what it is. The world is a beautiful place full of colors, cultures, ideas, religions, and emotions. And when you go out in the world, you have to be prepared to face all of those emotions. Even the rage, the frustration, and the jealousy.

I chose a career in law so I could try and bring justice to others. Through my field of work, I've begun to understand that there will always be bad. The world needed me to go through something traumatizing so that I could help hundreds of others through the same process, and give them the justice that I never received.

I start shoving all my things into my suitcase in a rush. I get onto my laptop and buy a plane ticket back to Seoul.

I need to be out there—in the real world. Not sheltered again. Not watching this video over and over again.

This video has done me no good, brought me no closure, and only opening up new wounds. If the video would have been uncovered and brought to the trial, I would have won. The case would have gone differently. I would have been looking at Lee Jeno as the jury read the verdict— _Guilty._ He would have been in prison, not Seoul.

But...

I would have stayed in Jilin, safe and sound, with no need to fly across the country.

I wouldn't have pursued a career in law, I wouldn't have assisted the prosecution in the Hwang case and helped a criminal get behind bars, or seen someone violated received justice.

I wouldn't have been forced to look into the world's dark corners and force light into them.

I wouldn't live in Seoul.

I wouldn't have met Jaemin.

I wouldn't have fallen in love.

I wouldn't have opened up to people outside of my family.

I would have been alone. I would have been alone in Jilin with no plan, no motivation, no urgency to do anything. I would sit and stay in the same spot, haunted by what happened to me. And eventually, I would have killed myself.

If Lee Jeno was given the verdict of Guilty, I would have been dead.

My suitcase hits every stair as I rush to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Xuxi asked, panicked.

I pause with my hand on the doorknob and turn to look at my older brother. I shut my eyes and think of everything that has happened since that night. I think of Jaemin. I think of when I first met him when he helped me shoot that toy gun at that carnival.

How he came late to class on the first day and wouldn't lower his voice. The memory makes me laugh.

The party when I pushed him into the pool, and then followed him to the dry cleaners afterward.

When he helped fix my car and told me about his past relationships, revealed a part of him that used to hurt.

When I laid with him in bed while he worried about his best friend.

When we made the deal for me to tutor him and then I yelled at him for not paying attention.

The day he came to the trial and I pushed him away, and he came back, spending an entire week studying with me, trying to prove his worth.

I look up at Xuxi.

"I'm going home."

* * *

The entire plane ride back to the city, I keep replaying those moments. All those moments with Jaemin. I'm not afraid anymore. I have him and he's all I need.

When he missed a question on purpose to take me out on a date. That date, at the ice stadium. Where we stayed safe in our bubble and talked to each other about our families, our friends, our hopes, and our dreams. He drove me home and waited to kiss me, promising to see me again.

When we had our next date at his place and watched a horror movie. And as soon as I became scared, he took it out and turned on Pride and Prejudice.

The memories make me smile and laugh and blush, looking back on them and I just can't believe it when I think back to them. _How did I get so lucky?_

When he came over to my place and helped me cook dinner. Stared at me with adoring eyes and called me his boyfriend for the first time. Urged me to ask questions just so he could kiss me. And then he did, he kissed me. I find my fingers brushing against my lower lip. My stomach flips thinking about it.

He came to closing statements.

I felt his eyes in that crowd, watching me, supporting me, urging me on. 

When the plane finally lands, I race through the airport and grab the first cab I see. I give him my address and sit back in the seat, trying to settle the nerves in my stomach. I close my eyes and go back to Jaemin.

When I saw him for the first time in two weeks and he didn't question why I had been avoiding him, he just pulled me close and kissed me. And kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me.

I took him to the park, we sat on those benches, and I told him about my past. He processed it like an adult, like a man, and showed up at my door a week later with flowers. He comforted me after a bad day, and took me out, making that day so much better.

That night, when curiosity got the better of me, I looked where I knew I'd only find troubles. And he found me, and once again, kept me grounded, brought me back to the light. He told me I was brave, courageous, and strong, and then I had to be just that as I told him that I love him and he said it right back.

The next morning, I gave all of myself to him. We spent hours in bed, showing each other our love.

And then, I collided with Lee Jeno again, eleven years later. He struck fear back into my heart and once again I found myself fleeing across the country, but this time Jaemin was by my side. I forced him away for his own good, but now I'm coming home.

* * *

The car rolls to a stop and I shove the money towards the driver, running up to my apartment, my suitcase hitting every step on the way up. I don't know where my keys are so I just find myself knocking on the door rapidly and it occurs to me that it's midnight here, even though it would be 11PM in Jilin.

A disheveled Jaemin opens the door and I drop my suitcase, throwing myself into his arms. He's thrown off balance and he stumbles back a few steps before he can regain his balance. Finally, he seems to make sense of everything as his arms wrap around my back and squeeze me tight. He begins to laugh, and it's like music to my ears.

He picks me off the ground and twirls me around.

"You're back!" He says, setting me down.

"I'm back" I reply, smiling.

He closes the distance between our lips and kisses me, sighing into it. I know exactly what he's feeling, I feel it too. It's relief to be back near him. It's hard to live happily when you're heart's across the country.

He pulls away reluctantly.

"You're back for good?" He asks.

I remove my arms from around his neck and wrap them around his back, hugging him tightly.

"I'm home, and I'm staying."

He releases another sigh of relief and loosens his grip on me, only to pick up my suitcase and bring it inside. He closes the door, locks it, and swoops me up into his arms. He carries me bridal style down the hallway and to my bedroom.

"I think it's about time we get our place, don't you think?" He asks.

I nod eagerly as he sets me down in bed and rolls in on the other side of me. He pulls me close to him and shuts his eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"We can get a nice place, right here," I whisper, touching his chest.

He presses a kiss to my temple. "Perfect," he mutters into my hair.

He sighs and looks down at me. "I have to ask, what brought you back?"

I tap my fingers on his chest. "Well, you were a big part of it...but really, I realized that my job needs me more than I need safety from someone who can no longer hurt me."

He chews the inside of his cheek. "Sounds like you feel more confident about him being harmless than I do."

I roll onto him, straddling his waist. "He can't hurt me anymore. I have self-defense training, I have the law, I have the experience, and I have you."

He grabs my hand and intertwines them with his. "You're the most incredible man I've ever met."

I laugh lightly and lean down to kiss his cheek.

"So you finally admit I'm better than your car?" I tease.

Jaemin snorts a laugh and rolls us over, caging me in underneath him. "She has a name."

I laugh lightly and bite my lip. "Scarlett."

He chuckles. "You remember."

"Of course I remember. I remember everything about us."

"Good. I never want you to forget that I love you," he says sleepily.

"Even more than Scarlett?"

"Way more than Scarlett," he says, nuzzling my neck with his nose.

I smile and wrap my arms around his neck, letting my fingers weave through his hair. "I wish I would have fallen in love with you sooner."

"I don't," he says, pulling up from my neck to look in my eyes. "I was a cocky asshole before I met you. You changed me JunJun."

I shake my head. "No, you've always been the sweetest. And I love you for it. I'll always love you for it."

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "Promise?"

I smile and press a light kiss against his lips. "Sure. I'll even make an oath if you want me to."

He looks into my eyes and shakes his head no. "Not an oath. One day I'll get a ring and then we can make a vow to each other, alright?"

"A– a vow?"

He smiles and nods his head. "A wedding vow."

I nod and he wastes no time pressing his lips against mine. It's like our first kiss and our last kiss all at once. It's beautiful and erupting and bursting at the seams. It's all of our emotions, but mostly one—love.

**Four Years Later**

Years ago, I made a promise to myself. I made an oath that I'd never let myself fall in love. That I'd never let anyone get close enough to even risk it. And on this day, I stand here, in front of the one I love, and I make another promise. But just for tradition's sake—let's call this one a vow.

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Do I make this oath? Do I take this vow? _Hell yeah._

"I do."

– THE END –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who read and supported this fic, thank you so much. You're the ones who motivate me. I'm not so good with words, but I really want to express my gratitude to each and everyone who gave kudos, bookmarked and followed this from start to end. Thank you, thank you. See you on the next one. 
> 
> Jangmi


End file.
